No matter how much I try to convince myself that I’ve done the right thing, every other step on board the enemy ship seems like a far cry from anything I’ve ever wanted. Sure, being able to see this huge flying object up close holds a certain charm that takes away some of the heaviness, but in the end, this isn’t part of the Explorers. It’s the Brave Asagi of the Rising Volt Tacklers.

  Compared to the airship I’m used to from Alola, it looks like a tech monster. The air chamber is almost as big as the zeppelin I once escaped in, and the converted fishing boat, reminiscent of an oversized yacht with enough space to fight, certainly hides some spaces you wouldn’t expect.

  If I’m honest, I’d like to look around, but the heaviness in my legs keeps me close to the two who brought me to this place. Against all expectations, they have dropped anchor near a jetty. Right in front of Slateport City and therefore frighteningly close to the market, which is now just background noise.

  Another surprise is the fact that I’m still allowed to carry my Pokémon with me. They haven’t even tried to lay a hand on my partners. That means they’re either firmly convinced they can keep me here, or they don’t believe I’ll try to escape. Whichever it is, I’m ready to give them the opposite.

  All the way to a common room that seems a lot brighter and friendlier than anything I usually hang out in for meetings, none of them say a word to me. Instead, they dump me in this place and offer me a seat, which I silently accept. It’s better than standing around.

  Simultaneously, I start counting in my mind. First ten seconds. Then two minutes. After five minutes, I get lost and have to start again, but I don’t get a chance before more Volt Tacklers enter the room. Not all of them, surely, but enough to fuel the tightness in my chest.

  I know who they are. Liko and Roy – kids I’ve watched in the Galar mines – as well as Friede and the old lady who introduces herself as Diana on top of everything. And Terapagos. A lively Pokémon whose voice reminds me of a boy who is no older than the two children on board.

  A Rotom, hovering next to them, chases to the front barely a blink later, to a small screen with nothing on it. Immediately afterwards, all eyes seem to be on me, and although I should be listening, part of me shuts down.

  Mouths are moving, and I’m sure they’re asking me questions. Endless assumptions and judgements towards the Explorers I no longer want to listen to. Probably also curiosity about what we are planning. Whatever they want to know, they don’t need to expect answers from me. Not even when Mimikyu scurries out of her ball and disappears from the room unseen. She seems to want to do something else, and to my amazement, the Volt Tacklers don’t give a damn.

  As if they have nothing to fear.

  As if they are invincible.

  “I ... I can understand why you feel uncomfortable...” Liko’s voice finally reaches me. She holds her hands folded at chest height, as if she could reach me with caution. She almost reminds me of Lillie. “And I don’t think the Explorers are bad people either. They took Sprigatito away from me once and ... took wonderful care of her. But we don’t know what their goals are or why they’re after Terapagos.”

  I could tell them it’s because of the danger Terapagos brings. But I’m sure they know that themselves. They’re probably just asking me these things to convince me of something that isn’t true. That’s how it is with people. It was the same with my father – the only certainty I knew for years, and who took away everything that defines me as a person. You can’t believe everything you hear or see. If things were different, I wouldn’t have fallen for my judgement; then I wouldn’t have had this stupid thought that Amethio might like me.

  The heavy sigh in my throat weighs at least as much as a Geodude. I’m just dramatic. A bit like my father when he doesn’t get what he wants. Another poor quality I got from him. Or just a poor trait that everyone has and that you slowly fight as you get older. If I were an adult, I wouldn’t act like this. For sure. Life goes on.

  “You were by his side!” The sudden cry, like a wry wail, raises the hairs on the back of my neck. My thoughts fade into the background as I slip back into reality and catch sight of Terapagos – the little monster who has shouted at Amethio in the same way before.

  Somewhere in between, a gasp escapes Liko, an anxious sound that she can’t suppress, while the Pokémon stands on the table in front of me and looks at me as if I’ve done something wrong.

  Raising a brow, I tilt my head. “What do you have against Amethio?”

  “He did bad things a long time ago!” Its voice rasps in my ears. “He betrayed friends and broke their hearts when he rejected Lucius. Everything they stood for is broken because of him!”

  Whatever this little thing is talking about, I can’t imagine Amethio even remotely fitting into this story. So I stand up, lean on the table and bend down to the Pokémon. ‘How long ago was that?’

  “A long time!” it hisses. “They said it was a long time ago.”

  The laughing snort on my tongue is just as hard to contain as the mocking question I ask Liko. I should be less mean and weigh things up better, but I don’t want to talk about such things here and now. “It says Amethio ended his friendship with Lucius a very long time ago. I assume you know something about that?”

  For a breath, I think I hear a strangled sound from her, but before she answers, the old lady interjects. “Lucius is an adventurer who lived about a hundred years ago. Terapagos ... must have mistaken him for someone else.”

  I slowly cross my arms in front of my chest before turning to the Pokémon again. “Did you hear that? One hundred years. Amethio is twenty.”

  “But he smells the same!” it protests. “And he looks the same!”

  “And, let me guess, he’s at least as evil, isn’t he?” I automatically take a step back. “Even if the Explorers didn’t see you as a threat, it might be better to lock you up somewhere, anyway.”

  “Hey, hey, we should all take a breath.” It’s Friede who raises his hands. In fact, each of us seems to take a deep breath before he addresses the topic again. “The Explorers consider Terapagos a threat? Why?”

  “Because it has the power to throw the world into chaos,” I reply tensely. “The Explorers want to take possession of Terapagos so they can make sure no one abuses it for their own purposes.”

  “I think that’s an excuse,” Diana interjects. “Hamber asked me for the pendant back then because he thought that, as an old friend, I would understand what he wanted. It seems they’re looking for Rakua, and they need Terapagos for that.”

  “Rakua?”

  “That’s where we were when he started betrayal,” the Pokémon snorts.

  The woman nods, although I’m sure she has no plan about what Terapagos said. She seems to understand it from its body language, the way it looks at me and how angry it sounds. “Terapagos was in this place a very long time ago with Lucius and his friends.”

  “The black Rayquaza and the Galarian Moltres were also part of the team,” Liko adds. She knows very well that I was looking for Rayquaza with Amethio and the other two last time. In this way, she puts together a picture that doesn’t fit for me.

  “So that means you’re collecting this old adventurer’s Pokémon with Terapagos, and then what? Go to this Rakua?” Presumably, this place is the danger Amethio was talking about. A destination that no one is allowed to reach because it could unbalance something essential. “What do you want there?”

  “To fulfil Terapagos’ wish. It wants to return to the place where its journey with Lucius ended,” Liko replies. “They say that Rakua is a Pokémon paradise. A place where everyone is supposed to live in harmony.”

  “They found danger there,” Terapagos interjects. “Traitor wanted to possess it, but Lucius protected it.”

  My head is spinning. On the one hand, this Pokémon doesn’t seem to harbour any danger. On the other, it’s more than obviously a guide to bring the Rising Volt Tacklers to Rakua. At first glance, none of this seems alarming, but while Rakua is said to be a paradise, there seems to be something there that causes problems.

  Amethio only gave me the short version back then. But now there’s this knot in my stomach that turns my guts inside out. Someone has tried to possess some of this danger. A stranger at Lucius’s side who looks like Amethio. Part of me doesn’t want to think any further. Because if I allow the next thought, it raises the question in my mind of whether it might have been someone related to him. A great-grandfather or uncle, perhaps. It could also be a relative further away.

  But whichever way I look at it, it doesn’t explain why the Explorers want Terapagos for themselves. Are they really interested in protecting the world and the Pokémon because they’ve learnt from a past mistake? Or is there something else? Something more?

  “They are putting others in danger,” Terapagos begins again, this time more calmly than before. It’s not even surprised that I understand it. Quite unlike all the other Legendary Pokémon I’ve encountered so far. “Kidnapped Liko, kidnapped her Sprigatito, harmed her. Anything to take what doesn’t belong to them. Protecting these people here. Not the others.”

  I can hardly imagine Amethio going about it in a way that would put a young girl like Liko in danger. But the knot in my stomach doesn’t let up. This uncomfortable feeling that they’ve kept more from me than necessary is spreading under my skin. It feels like the Explorers have lied to me.

  However, all this is nothing more than talk. I would have to ask a lot more questions to get a clear picture – at best, directed at Pokémon. Most of them give me the confidence not to lie when they talk.

  Or maybe I’m just paranoid.

  I should trust Amethio. They’ve told me why they’re after Terapagos. But if they really care about this Pokémon’s safety, if they don’t have a terrible history with it, why does it hate the Explorers so much?

  Biting pain burns on my lower lip as I dare to pursue the question. Fixing my gaze on Terapagos, I twist my mouth. ‘Tell me about it.’

  “You’re going to tell the people here?”

  A shake of the head on my part. “It’s all for me. If the Rising Volt Tacklers want to know more, let them find out the information for themselves.”

  “That would be nice.” It tilts its head and closes its eyes for a moment. “Only by searching will they come to understand. And I don’t know where we need to go to find the others or to visit Rakua. But I hope we’ll all be friends.”

  All I can do is snort. In those seconds, I don’t know if this Pokémon is chasing insane dreams or actually believes that secrets are the best way to spur on the Rising Volt Tacklers. Or perhaps the information it will give me is utterly useless because it is nothing more than history.

  Terapagos starts somewhere in a world from a hundred years ago. It doesn’t remember how much time has passed since then, but it remembers travelling with its trainer, who wore a beautiful, colourful feather, and the man who was by her side. Together, they encountered a third man. The Pokémon’s images, the narratives, are a little fuzzy and lack detail, but sometimes it captures scenes that it can describe accurately.

  It tells me about this trio who were searching for the aforementioned paradise Rakua that someone, somewhere, once held on to. They shared days and nights and information and hopes until they bumped into a Pokémon that Terapagos can barely remember. All it remembers is that it smelt like death, and it showed them the way. At some point, they came to a place, a rock with deep engravings on it.

  It sounds like a fairy tale, something you tell children before they go to bed. It tells of how much energy it traded to open a passageway that brought them to a place called Rakua. Terapagos’ memories are crystal clear in this instance because it and Rayquaza worked together to open the gate. The others were watching.

  This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

  Terapagos doesn’t remember what the land looked like exactly. Only that it felt strangely freed until they encountered a substance that could devour anything. An unnatural type of crystal whose power is to bring rapid growth and equally rapid destruction. One adventurer saw the potential to create a better world for humans and Pokémon, as long as it was controlled. But opinions differed, an argument broke out and the group were split up.

  Everyone ended up somewhere else, and Terapagos fell into a deep sleep. That’s all it remembers. That and the fact the name of the man who caused the split and betrayal was Gibeon.

  Gibeon de Vere.

  Amethio’s grandfather.

  Part of me wants to protest. If what Terapagos is saying has even the slightest amount of truth, then the leader of the Explorers is over a hundred years old. However, it could just be a man with the same name. Or someone who has taken Gibeon’s name to honour him.

  Then again, that tiny connection would explain why Terapagos is having trouble realising that Amethio is not Gibeon.

  “And he wants what he found there?” I ask, half in thought.

  Terapagos lowers its head. “He does. To bring it here. It would be a disaster.”

  “And he needs you and Rayquaza to open that gate again?”

  Instead of answering, it nods. In this story, Gibeon is the problem. Someone who wants to seize something that could kill us all. He doesn’t care about Terapagos or Rayquaza. They’re just a means to an end that he wants to possess in order to get his way.

  And I’m sure Amethio realises that. He probably knows why they’re on the hunt for these creatures, and he probably knows what his grandfather is planning too. That means he’s been lying to my face the whole time. Zir and Conia are probably involved with him as well. While I thought I was helping them collect a Pokémon to protect humanity, they had their eyes on this strange Rakua and its dangerous crystals. Worse still, it must have been what my father was trying to point out – unable to say clearly what he meant.

  The only uncertainty remaining for me is why they took me in. What can I give them that they can’t get themselves?

  Deep down, I am certain they have only taken me along because of my ability. I am probably nothing more than a means to an end. I can ask the Pokémon to open the gate and argue with them. I know when they’re complaining or what they want in return. It turns me into a translator. A person they can use to make things easier.

  Gibeon has never seen me as a professor. Certainly not. Not when I think about all this and remember he had already exuberantly labelled me a professor when my journey with the Explorers had only just begun. Anyone else would have wished me luck and not taken it for granted. Especially not when it’s a stray from Alola who claims to hear Pokémon voices.

  He accepted me, no ifs, ands or buts. Here and now, I think I understand why. In this constellation, I am a tool. A necessary evil. Not a member to look at and embrace.

  They will probably reject me as soon as I have done what I am there to do. No more and no less. And of course, that means Amethio can’t get involved in getting closer to me. After all, one day he’ll have to tell me straight to my face that there’s no more room for me.

  I was so desperate to leave Alola that I let the happiness I had afterwards get too close to me. There was hope in setting foot outside the door and arriving directly at a place where I belonged. Something most people spend a lifetime searching for.

  To think I’d found it – so easily....

  I’m incredibly stupid.

  The Rising Volt Tacklers present don’t say a word. They don’t even ask what Terapagos had to say or if I can answer a few questions because they don’t understand Pokémon language. There are so many opportunities for them in these seconds, and yet no one takes them. It’s like no one wants to upset me because they all understand that these seconds aren’t what I expected.

  “Is... Is everything all right?” It’s Liko who breaks the silence. A glance over to her brings her raised eyebrows into view, along with those sky-blue eyes that stare at me as if I resemble a battered Teddiursa.

  She doesn’t move, doesn’t even dare to come over to me. One hand raised, it almost looks as if she’s about to reach out for me. But we both know she can’t muster up the courage.

  “Everything’s fine.” I wave her off. The last thing I want is pity from a strange girl who is Lillie’s age. Someone younger than me shouldn’t think that a simple lie can destroy all composure inside me. At seventeen, I should be better than that. Better than a little girl chasing a dream.

  “Maybe we should settle down for the rest of the day,” Diana interjects. “The most important things have been discussed, and I don’t think she has information that will help us.”

  “Wha—, ”Friede’s exclamation ends in a resigned sigh. We all know I could tell them a few things about the Explorers. For example, that we’re watching them, why we’re in Hoenn, and that Gibeon is the head of the Explorers. The Exceed thing and the history of Terapagos are things they don’t know. And yet, Friede agrees. “She’s right. We’ve largely done our job.”

  That dismisses me.

  At least no one stops me as I shove my hands deep into my jacket pockets and leave the room after Friede to get on deck. In those seconds, the cold air of the outside world is comforting. Here I can breathe, try to forget and think about an alternative. Do I want to go back to the Explorers? Am I okay with being used? Maybe in time I can make them see me as good enough to be considered a real member. And even if Amethio lied to me and he’s the last person I want to see right now, there’s always Spinel. We’re friends; we got on well, and I want to believe that he didn’t do all this to find out more about my ability.

  Who would go to such lengths if they didn’t have to?

  If I take my Rotom Phone now and text him, he’ll go out of his way to help me. Maybe he’d also make sure I got away from the group I was in.

  “However, I would only make work for him ... and I can get out of here on my own.” In fact, I’m not going home. “I just have to find a loophole...”

  With my fingertips, I glide along the parapet, striding forward but getting stuck at the endless distance. Somewhere in the background, I hear thunder. Someone shouts something, but nothing else happens. If I close my eyes, I can imagine a fight underneath the noise, and for a breath, the battle against Diana comes to mind. She was a great opponent, and I proved I could stand up to someone. It sounds nonsensical, but I’ve become stronger. This fight has emphasised it.

  For minutes I listen to the noises and the static buzzing until at some point both stop, and my fingers feel as if they have frozen to the wood. Only slowly do I open my eyelids again, my gaze fixed on distant clouds that seem closer than the ground. I haven’t even realised we’ve left the safety of the ground behind us.

  Longer than necessary, I stare at the region below me. The dull green patches of the landscape, not covered by the January snow, and the ash that covers everything around Mt. Chimney in deep grey. In between, a barren, light brown colour that looks desolate and abandoned.

  With leisurely steps, I push myself further along the parapet, around a corner that leads down to a fighting area. This must have been the scene of the battle I had roughly imagined in the back of my mind. Someone is sitting on the stairs below. Green hair that sticks out wildly in all directions and looks terribly familiar. My heart leaps. I can hardly believe it. Behind him rests a Zoroark, curled up and half asleep. Mirra is next to him.

  “I didn’t expect to see you here.” My tongue loosens before I can think of a better sentence to start with. The surprise of seeing Natural in this place is too much.

  He immediately turns to me, causing me to crack a thin smile. He hesitates before he really seems to recognise me and replies, “They helped me.”

  Mesmerised by him, his existence and the sheer coincidence of us meeting again so soon, I sink onto the step beside him.

  “But not you,” Natural finishes his thought. He’s still talking far too fast.

  I sigh softly. To him, I can be honest. There’s no barrier here that prevents me from telling him how I’m feeling right now. “I don’t know. It’s true I don’t want to be here, and I want to go home even less ... but I don’t want to be with Amethio and the others right now, either.”

  “Why not?” He tilts his head. “You looked happy with them.”

  “That was before I knew they were lying to me.” When I firmly believed I had found friends in Zir and Conia and someone to love in Amethio. “And also before I had to realise ... my feelings are damn one-sided.”

  He can’t suppress a gasp. Not a single one of his actions escapes me. Neither the raised brows nor the pursed lips, over which not a single sound of astonishment passes.

  “I don’t understand why,” he then replies. “This Amethio ... He likes you...”

  This conversation almost makes me realise I wasn’t just imagining Amethio’s affection. If Natural noticed something, there must have been more to it. But we don’t know much about love, I suppose. We both misinterpreted it. A misunderstanding that makes me laugh before I turn to him again. “I wish. He might like me as a member of his team, but he doesn’t love me. He ... doesn’t have romantic feelings for me.”

  “What’s the difference? He likes you, doesn’t he? And he enjoys being with you. Isn’t that love?”

  It probably is. At least some kind of love.

  “It’s friendly ... tolerance.” And the only way I know how to describe it. “We like each other in principle, yes, but while I can imagine being with him every day for the rest of my life ... he can only visualise seeing me once a week and then, ideally, not having to talk to me anymore. Something like that.”

  “I think he feels the same,” Natural emphasises his previous words.

  “If he felt the same, he’d give me a smile now and again. He would be happy when he saw me, and I would feel much more secure at his side because I wouldn’t have to worry about annoying him. Some things would embarrass him, and he’d probably be tense if he said something that felt good to me.” Another sigh rolls off my tongue, and I’m sure if you could set a record for it, I’d be in first place right now. “But no matter how I look at it ... I can’t shake the feeling that he only paid attention to me because I’m part of his team ... and also the one who listens the least to what he has to say.”

  I realise that love looks a little different to everyone. It has to be that way because we are all different, and because I can’t imagine that Amethio would love in the same way as Zir or Conia. But even that doesn’t change his statement. He was very clear about that.

  Natural has less to say about it. In those seconds, he holds his hands clasped tightly in his lap and looks down at his fingers as if something obvious is dawning on him. Maybe even something bad he didn’t want to realise before. It makes me lean forward and follow up. We haven’t seen or written to each other for a while. Just talking about my problems is pointless. “Is everything all right with you?”

  He opens his mouth, then closes it again. His voice seems missing, and yet he makes a few sounds. “I... I think I like Friede that way. If what you’re describing is romantic love ... can I fall in love with Friede?”

  I don’t even want to think about whether there are rules in love. So I dismiss it. “You can do whatever you want if it feels good for you. But please don’t take my words so seriously.” My attention wanders back to the horizon. I don’t know enough about feelings to make big statements. “Love feels different for everyone. My Toucannon ... Coro ... For him, it was a melody that touched his heart and led him to love. And when he saw her ... I think he just knew that this one girl was his dream.”

  “Did you have the same feeling about Amethio? That he’s your dream?”

  I shake my head. I noticed him when we first met, but not as a potential romance. “It was only when he was away for a while ... that I started thinking about him non-stop. I was ... I missed him, and whenever we saw each other ... I realised that I never wanted to let him go again.”

  “And you expected him to feel the same way?”

  “No...” Exhausted, I lay my head on his shoulder. In these seconds, Natural is the only support I have. “I was hoping he would return my feelings ... but sometimes that’s just not the case, and that’s okay. What hurts me more is the fact they fooled me for months.”

  His only response is a sigh. Almost as if he wants to ask me a thousand questions, which he simply swallows down so as not to make me feel uncomfortable. Maybe it’s better this way. I should concentrate more on Natural. “What about you? How did you end up here? Seems that since you left on your journey, the world has changed. You’re ... pale.”

  Carefully, he puts his hand on mine. “I ran into my father’s arms and ... a few things happened...”

  “He hurt you again?”

  “He ... reminded me ... that I’ve put up with far too much without understanding ... that it’s not normal.” His grip tightens. “And what followed ... I think I repressed a lot.”

  I would like to laugh, because the feeling of repression is also one of my strengths. Instead, all I can do is snort weakly. “And now it’s all coming up again... I understand better than I should.” My voice drops to a whisper. “It will get better ... I’m sure.”

  “What are you planning to do? Are you going to get a ride home?” Instead of responding to my words, he tries to distract me from himself, so we’re back to me. Me and the problems I don’t want to face.

  Still, I know my answer, even if it only rolls faintly off my tongue. “No. I’ll set this ship on fire first. I’ll get out of here. Escape and get back to my... I’ll go back to the Explorers.”

  “Even though they lied to you?”

  “Amethio and his team did. Hamber is probably not entirely innocent either. But they’re not the only Explorers. So I’ll just get myself transferred. Probably to Spinel.”

  “Spinel?” Natural’s scepticism sends goose bumps down my arms. His uncertainty shouldn’t bother me so much, but I can’t shake the burning under my skin. However, it seems inappropriate to ask.

  “He’s shown me a thing or two about Unova and made sure I don’t die at headquarters,” I reply. “He’s a man of science, and I’m sure that if I can find a place at his side, I’ll get closer to my goal of becoming a professor quickly.”

  “Does he also research Pokémon?”

  “He ... er ... not quite. He has his eye on the Terastal Phenomenon, for example, and is also very interested in finding something that will strengthen the Pokémon in Unova. He’s researching so many things, like Dream Mist and what it can be used for, that I’ve lost track...” An apologetic giggle escapes my throat as I break away to look at him. The longer I can be with him, the easier all of this seems to become. Because Natural understands a part deep inside me. “But he’s just like me, interested in a lot of things in this world. That’s why I think ... that staying with him is the best decision. And we get on well together, so I’m sure that time with him will be good for me.”

  “And Amethio?”

  Simultaneously, he makes my shoulders slump. The turmoil inside me can’t be tamed. “I’m ... going to give him up.”

  “Are you sure?” His brows lift.

  “It’s the best decision I can make. But hey, I’ve got my whole life ahead of me. There’s bound to be someone else out there I can like and who’ll be fine with it.” For sure. Amethio isn’t the only man in the world. I can change my mind; I can find an alternative. My life doesn’t end just because my first love is a failure.

  The certainty makes me stand up, so I put my hands at my sides and take a deep breath. Today is the start of a new adventure for me. One in which I find a place for myself.

  “I wish I could do things the way you do,” escapes Natural. Then he raises both hands as if he doesn’t want to hurt me with his words. “You just ... have everything so under control.”

  “It just looks that way.” My body tension collapses. I’m not a heroine; I'm not a machine that skips flaws as if they are non-existent. The circumstances hurt, but I have to keep going. This includes showing the strength I lack in the hope of growing from it. “I’m just good at convincing myself that I can do something. And sometimes that helps me to make something happen.”

  It’s the only truth I have. And I hope it helps him. Because for me, this is all that’s left.