He looks at me as if I already know the answer, and maybe he’s right about that. Diana taught me to think more tactically, because sometimes that’s the only thing that can save you. I don’t have any Pokémon that are suitable for distance, so my only choice here and now is Mimikyu. She and her moonblast and her shadow balls, which can also handle a little distance.

  “You understand, don’t you?” Amethio sounds too nice, as if there’s no reason for him to maintain that terribly cool exterior he usually clings to so closely. At least not when nothing fits together anyway.

  So I nod. We’ve already done enough damage to Gyarados. It’s time to take the next step and put an end to this chaos.

  Exhausted, I struggle to my feet to grab Ying’s Poké Ball. “Thank you! You’ve been a great help. But it’s better if you rest now.”

  She doesn’t seem to understand my words, tilts her head and growls something, but she stays where she is and lets herself be called back into her ball while I put my last bit of hope in Mimikyu. “Mirra, I need your best moonblast!”

  It’s daytime, the moon is nowhere to be seen, and I know her attack will be weaker than desired. But I’m also convinced that together with Amethio, we can do it.

  As Gyarados writhes in the air, half-attacked by night daze, which didn’t quite reach but still grazed its target, I can see Archie and Shelly getting back on their feet. Ying attacked them too. This move hurt our opponents just as much as it hurt me. It reminds me of my battle against Ghetsis and his teaching that you should always take out the trainer first.

  The mere thought makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. That’s not the path I want to take. It’s not even remotely part of the idea I’ve had in my head since the beginning. Not least because I’ve never thought about it. Most trainers get away with a fight in the wild. There are only a few who disappear or die because the Pokémon fought back. A bit like my encounter with Raticate. But you read about it so rarely that it doesn’t seem to matter. People were never part of my concern.

  And now, all of a sudden, this aspect seems to be weighing on me. Do I really need to pay more attention to trainers? When we all take care not to seriously hurt each other, even though we’re on opposite sides?

  Immediately, I shake off the thought. In an instinctive reaction, I pinch my palm to focus on Gyarados and the battle at hand. Mirra gathers her energy as best she can, while Ceruledge has made it its mission to keep our opponent at bay. I can’t do a thing, can only watch as my thoughts try to drift away again. There’s nothing here for me to cling to. All that remains is nausea, followed by trembling uncertainty that settles deep into my nerves.

  Pressing my lips together, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. At this moment, I should consider myself lucky. The unknown voice hasn’t spoken to me in a very long time, even though this situation would be perfect for it. My life has been reasonably under control since we arrived in Hoenn – except for the Rising Volt Tacklers. Sure, I no longer have any flashbacks, although there is still so much I don’t know, but I have to try to keep taking small steps. I have to collect my thoughts, pull myself together and become exactly the person this world needs. Someone who can help Pokémon, who can answer questions and pass on knowledge to all those who don’t know any better. Someone who can give people like Natural all the information they need, while I explore possibilities that open new doors. Then I’ll be helping to make the world a better place, a more beautiful one...

  Gyarados’ shrill cry tears me from the dreams I’m trying so desperately to cling to. Instantly, I open my eyes, just in time to see the Pokémon falling from the sky. Mirra has hit it. Seconds later, it crashes to the ground, kicking up dust and debris and sending a gust of wind our way that harshly tugs at my clothes, my hair, and probably my sanity as well. Clenching my hands into fists, I hope that this Pokémon is okay. But I don’t get a chance to find out. Not least because Archie quickly calls it back.

  “Looks like you’re not going to make it easy for us. You young hotshots really have what it takes!” Archie’s voice reaches us with difficulty, but it’s enough to restore calm between the fronts. He can no longer win, cannot get what he wants from Latias and Latios. “For now, I’ll let you go. I can put you in your place when I have my new partner.”

  And with that, he simply turns around to make his way back – Shelly close on his heels. She looks back at us only once, but she is too far away for me to make out her face.

  All I can do is take a deep breath. In this moment, I no longer have to worry about battles and their consequences. Instead, I can watch as Amethio gives Latias some powder to heal it. Its exhaustion seems to fade, and its injuries heal. It’s a sense of security that clears my head. No one is demanding anything of me, Mirra is in perfect health, my nose has stopped bleeding, and somehow I’m even reunited with the Explorers. But even though Amethio seems almost nice, I can’t stay with him. My decision hasn’t changed. There are too many things standing between us. First and foremost, that damn lie. One that I need him to confirm. He’s not the type to simply deny accusations. At least, I want to believe that I know Amethio well enough to be able to say that.

  The scene in front of me is so peaceful that I could watch it forever. Latias thanks Amethio with a gentle nudge of its nose against his hand before turning away and devoting itself to Latios. The two snuggle up to each other as if there’s nothing standing between them. They don’t share a single word, or maybe I just can’t hear them, and this island almost seems idyllic. It could stay this way a little longer, just until everything seems a little more bearable and I have sorted myself out.

  But time doesn’t stand still, and when I see Amethio rummaging through his trouser pocket for two balls – Ultra Balls that don’t belong to any of his Pokémon – my heart skips a beat. He gets ready, swings his arm, intent on catching these Pokémon right in front of him. He wants to capture creatures whose freedom we have worked so hard to protect.

  My legs move before I even know what I’m doing. All I can think is that I can’t let Amethio catch these two Pokémon. In the same instant that he swings his arm to throw, I grab it and pull it down. Unfortunately for me, he lets go of the Ultra Ball, but thanks to my intervention, he misses.

  “What are you doing?” He immediately breaks free from me.

  “I could ask you the same!” I snap back. “Why are you trying to catch Latias and Latios?”

  “Why do you think we’ve been dealing with these Pokémon?”

  “Because they might be able to help me!” Slowly, I push myself between him and his targets. “There’s no reason to catch them. What do you want with them?” My eyebrows knit together in frustration. “What do the Explorers want with them?”

  For a moment, Amethio just looks at me before closing his eyes. “It’s my mission to catch Latias and Latios. One of each. According to legend, there are more of them here. It’s not much different from when we catch other Pokémon.”

  “And then what?” My canines dig into the inside of my lower lip.

  “That’s none of your concern.”

  Of course it isn’t. It probably never is, because I’m just another obstacle he has to deal with. Maybe he doesn’t want to tell me anything because it’s just as secret as the truth behind this whole charade.

  “Isn’t it exhausting having to keep all these secrets?” My voice trembles, filled with a mixture of anger and fear. “Although the thing about Terapagos is probably a lie, isn’t it?” It’s so damn ridiculous that a painful smile spreads across my lips. “You lied to me, didn’t you? You’re not after Terapagos to protect it, and it never belonged to you either, did it? What you told me was nothing more than a fairy tale because you didn’t want to tell me that you’re the bad guys. That you’re trying to steal something to get to a place I don’t understand. Rakua...”

  With every word I get out, Amethio’s eyes seem to grow larger. His lips press together, and he looks paler than usual. Surely he expected me to find out these things eventually, probably even through the Volt Tacklers, but he also seems to have hoped that it wouldn’t be so soon. Perhaps because the timing isn’t right for him. After all, he has a lot to do, and once again, I’m the one getting in his way.

  We really aren’t a good fit. I just didn’t notice it before.

  For a moment, I watch him open his mouth as if he wants to justify himself. But nothing comes out. He can’t find the words, not even an apology or a denial. He doesn’t even dispute it, so it’s obvious that the Volt Tacklers were more honest with me than he was.

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  “Is there something else I should know?” Still, I want to give him this chance. If I just hold the door open for him so he can see that I’m willing to listen and discuss, maybe he’ll be willing to talk. “Anything?”

  But his silence is all I get. It’s the only answer he gives me, and it’s the loudest “yes” I’ve ever heard. There are probably thousands of things I should know. Thousands of things he will never confide in me. My existence has never changed for him. It has never gained the slightest bit of importance if he can’t even say what went wrong between us at a moment like this. All that is becoming increasingly clear is the truth that he cannot trust me and that I have no place here. Not on the side of those who you don’t lie to or at least try to be honest with.

  The tightness in my chest makes every breath a little harder. My hands are sticky with sweat, and everything in me just wants to turn around and run away. But even if I tried, what good would a hasty decision do me? Even if this situation has its claws around my throat, robbing me of air and reminding me that I still have a lot to learn, I still have to work on my self-control. Amethio has disappointed me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find a place at Spinel’s side. There, as a researcher, I can learn so much more to make this world a little better. It’s the only hope, the only image I can cling to. And until then, I will endure Amethio. Him and this stinging in my chest that burns my eyes and threatens to suffocate me. I can’t give in, a reminder I have to keep telling myself.

  “Then I suppose that’s all there is to say.” Finally, I straighten my shoulders and lift my chin. “If you try to catch either of them, I’ll have to unleash Ying on you.”

  Even if his life depends on this mission, I can’t let him catch Pokémon for something I can’t say is good or bad. If he doesn’t want to tell me what his mission is, I can’t bring myself to accept his actions. If he wants a fight, he can have one. My team probably doesn’t have the strength to take on Ceruledge and Corviknight, but I’m willing to try. For Latias and Latios, and also for my own conscience.

  Amethio’s steady gaze lingers on me a little too long. A bit like back then, when I sneaked onto the airship and got caught. Or like the day we spent too much time in the forest on Alola. There were so many little moments when we just looked at each other. But not once did it feel as burning, as overwhelming, as frightening as in these breaths. Never have I hoped more that he would just take a step back and listen to me.

  It takes an eternity for him to turn his attention to Latias and Latios, who are still floating side by side, silently observing this conflict. They fit into this picture just as little as Amethio and I do. And perhaps that is one of the reasons he lets out a sigh before turning away and putting the other ball, with which he could have caught at least one of the two Pokémon, back into his trouser pocket.

  “We should go back.”

  He won’t catch them. His statement is enough to make it clear to me that I’ll get my way. Part of him doesn’t seem to want a fight. Not after we’ve already beaten someone who exhausted our Pokémon. Sure, we could still go for it, but in the end, it wouldn’t help anyone.

  It’s a success for me, and yet I don’t feel any joy. The corners of my mouth twitch upwards, but that’s all they manage. If Lillie were here now, I would talk to her and tell her how wonderful this decision is, because it feels like a step in the right direction. But she’s not here, and this step is only positive for me. Amethio will have to face the consequences of his misstep. Because of me. And he accepts it as if this is an adequate apology for all the things that have gone wrong lately.

  “We’ll be happy to take you back.” Finally, Latias intervenes. It has moved closer and looks at me as if this world is a wonderful place. As if it doesn’t see what I see. Perhaps it’s because it’s so much easier to ignore it than to deal with all the negativity.

  “No need.” Amethio speaks up before I can agree. The next moment, he releases Corviknight from its Poké Ball. “We’ll go back on our own.”

  I would prefer to refuse. It would be much nicer to fly back with Latias or use another teleport than to go with Amethio. Especially since we have to move close together if we both want to fit on his Pokémon. That’s more proximity than I want with him, even though part of me is still in love and clinging hopelessly to the idea that he might say something when we’re alone. And it’s probably that very hope that keeps me from objecting and going along with his wishes.

  It’s the same as always. He climbs up first and then reaches out a hand to help me. Together, these little moments are so easy to get through that it’s hard to believe how much is off between us. There is this gap that separates us, which doesn’t diminish even when we rise into the air. I can’t even say goodbye.

  High above the clouds, we both feel a little freer. The wind in my hair, the feeling of being able to breathe more freely – both bring a lightness that is beautiful. Talking here, finding the right words, seems possible.

  But to my sorrow, Amethio doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t even try. Neither his body language nor what I can see of his face suggests that he wants to bring up the issue again. As if it doesn’t matter in the end whether what we have remains a broken mess or whether it changes anything. Maybe it’s even worse than that. Maybe, in the end, he’s happy that he’s created another reason to stifle my feelings for him. More than just the rejection he’s already thrown at my feet.

  With my hands buried firmly in my lap, unwilling to put my arms around Amethio for support, I press my lips together. This is how relationships end. They break down and leave nothing behind but a memory that you eventually forget. Except that I’m sure I’ll never be able to forget anything we’ve been through. After all, I went on a journey with Amethio, and we fought our way through many situations. There are so many moments I can’t erase him from. The only question that remains for me is whether I will ever find the point where I can look back with a smile. Perhaps when I am older, when I am wiser, when I can see things as clearly as Diana, who no longer has to struggle with her feelings. But right now, it’s just something that wants to drive me back into a room I never have to come out of again. For no one. Not even for the adventure I once wanted so badly.

  It doesn’t take long before we get back to the spot where the Brave Asagi was brought down from the sky. Presumably, the Rising Volt Tacklers are still right where we left them. Perhaps I’ll be able to investigate once I have some time to myself, because Amethio is preparing to land on Route 123. That means we’re not far from the site of the incident, but we’re safe.

  The submarine can already be seen from a distance, and two figures on it wave to us. Immediately, I raise my hand, only to lower it again in the blink of an eye. Neither Zir nor Conia is my friend. They are not on my side. They belong to Amethio and are therefore part of this lie that has been fed to me. No one can assure me that they weren’t just being friendly to me because I’m an uninformed member of the team who can be easily discarded if necessary.

  I probably shouldn’t think this way, but the clouds in my head make it impossible not to think the worst.

  Coviknight lands just a few metres away from the submarine, so Zir and Conia quickly climb down from their posts and rush over to us. It’s nice to see that they’re okay. At least they didn’t get into any more trouble afterwards, unlike Amethio and myself. That’s enough to keep me from meeting them with concern or anything else. Instead, I slide off Corviknight’s back and stare past them at the metal of the boat that will soon take us underwater. Next to me, I can hear the unusual sound of a Poké Ball pulling Corviknight back inside. Amethio’s voice follows immediately afterwards.

  “We’ll lie low for a while to avoid clashing with the Volt Tacklers again. Our focus in Hoenn is on something other than Terapagos.” The lack of enthusiasm in his words is unmistakable. He would probably like to continue fighting with the group to get his hands on this creature. “We need to keep an eye on Maqua.”

  “Aqua,” I interject. “They kicked out one of their leaders and reformed.”

  “Aqua, then...” He seems to be thinking before he follows up. “Do you have any other information that might help us?”

  Everything in me refuses to look at him, even though I could tell him so much. The thing about the meteorite, the desire to awaken Kyogre, this team’s vision of the future. But that’s nothing he can’t find out for himself. It’s ridiculous to behave like this, but it’s all I have.

  “No,” I reply, before striding towards the submarine without a glance at anyone. If it were any different, I would simply break down. After all, I have spent several months with them by now. We are – were – a team. You don’t just push things like that aside without mourning them in some way. Not when it once felt right.

  Now all that remains is for me to climb inside the boat so I can make my way to my cabin. Everything here is completely unchanged. It’s cramped, with just enough room to put down a bag and then throw yourself onto the bunk. An idea I follow, so I lie motionless in the sheets for a few minutes.

  With my eyes closed, I try to disappear into the darkness behind my lids. Instead, the scenes from earlier catch up with me. Amethio, as he remains silent. The tightness in my chest. The despair between us and the certainty that I cannot trust him if he doesn’t open up to me. If we cannot be honest with each other, it’s impossible to fully commit to the missions we’re pursuing. And not only that: if Amethio can’t even tell me that they want Terapagos for their own purposes, even though I would be willing to help him with anything if he just asked, I can also assume that he will let me down with other information. Maybe this is one of those characteristics I should overcome. Something that belongs to Amethio and therefore something that Hamber hoped I could break through.

  However, I lack the strength and the will to do so. I can’t do any of this when my own problems still exist and everything in between is more than I can handle.

  I have no choice but to do exactly what Amethio once advised me to do and what I try to cling to over and over again. I have to tackle one thing at a time. And that works best when I no longer have to be part of a charade in which no one wants me anyway.

  So I reach for my Rotom Phone and dare to write a message to Hamber. I don’t end up writing many sentences, but each one carries the hope that my misery will soon come to an end. It’s a simple question of whether Hamber can transfer me. Back then, I decided to stay with Amethio. But I am free to go my own way. And that way is longing to meet Spinel.

  If Hamber puts me with him, then I can turn my attention to my main goal. Then I can switch off, forget, take a deep breath, and talk to someone who pursues the same interests as me.

  But the tightness in my chest as I send the message remains. It will haunt me for quite some time, I know that. And I have no choice but to accept it.