After what feels like long hours of uninterrupted rest, I wake to the sight of my unexpectedly still dark ceiling. I rub the tiredness out of my eyes and sit up to see what time it is. I turn to my alarm clock, which lies on a drawer right next to my bed, and to my surprise, it's only 1:00 a.m.

  Suddenly, I feel what must have woken me up. It's one of those supposed "wet dreams" I've been experiencing a lot lately. I sigh, push off my blankets, and tiptoe across the ice-cold floor to the bathroom, grabbing a new pair of underwear on my way.

  After I relieve myself and change, I turn toward the mirror, staring deeply at my ghostly reflection.

  "I look so pale..." I think to myself as I trace my fingers over my high cheekbones.

  As I take a deep breath, I begin to unbutton my nightshirt and force myself to brave the bitter cold, just as Gabriel did. I lift my chest and raise my arms in a circular motion, displaying my muscles.

  Only... I don't have any muscles. I look so weak.

  Boys are supposed to look stronger than this.

  My arms slowly fall back to my sides.

  I begin to tremble as I stand there, staring at myself. Tears fill my eyes, and I finally push away from the intense pull of the mirror.

  "I have to get stronger!" I yell to myself. "I can't let him make a girl out of me!"

  Ugh. That's not what I mean, I just...

  I can't let him make me feel smaller than I already do—to look in the mirror and see someone who isn't enough.

  Later in the morning, as I am getting ready for school, I decide to take my notebook with me, since leaving it at home comes with the far greater danger of my mother finding it.

  By the time lunch arrives, everyone is already seated, unusually calm in the Sala Jadalna, with only a few whispers of the upcoming barn dance shared between Gabriel and some of the other students, which is quite odd given the constant excitement of the last few days.

  Jan seems rather upset with me for leaving so early during that little "talent show" yesterday, though I haven't the slightest idea why he was so intent on my seeing it in the first place.

  I secretly take out my notebook as I take a bite of my piece of bread and slowly begin to open it up, revealing my drawing from last night. I can't help but give a giddy smile and continue to draw the rest of the boy from where I had been earlier cut off.

  Now and then, I glance up at Gabriel—who sits only a few tables away from mine—to capture his exact facial features onto my page, so that I may keep him wherever I go.

  As I center my concentration on the drawing, I lose all sense of awareness of my surroundings, almost as if I'm in my own little world, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," as Dorothy says.

  My muscles relax, my back leans forward, and my fingers glue themselves to my pencil. It's the best feeling in the world—for here, no one expects me to be stronger than I am.

  Abruptly, someone snatches my notebook from my grasp as I receive a cruel awakening to reality. Gabriel stands with my notebook in hand, examining the drawing. I must have been too occupied in my thoughts to hear him approach.

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  "Wait a sec," he says, holding back a laugh. "Is that me?"

  My heart immediately begins racing.

  "Give it back!" I yell in alarm.

  "Now, now, not so soon!" he teases. "I'm simply enjoying this way too much! This IS me, isn't it?!"

  I stumble over my chair as I stand.

  "Isn't it?!" he asks again with extreme anger.

  When I don't say anything, he tears the drawing out of my notebook and climbs onto my table, announcing to the entire class while displaying the drawing:

  "Can you hardly believe it? Daniel here has a crush on me!"

  Everyone laughs in disgust as I witness the horror through my own eyes.

  They don't even know what they're laughing at.

  Gabriel jumps down from the table to turn to me.

  "I've endured no sleep these past few nights, taking on the noble task of deciding on what everyone shall wear to the barn dance," he says, with a charismatic expression on his face. "But now, I've finally decided on what would fit you."

  He reaches down into his left pocket and pulls out a hastily made pink ribbon.

  "Why, yes," he says quietly, "You could simply wear this."

  I stand in shock as he snaps the ribbon onto my vest like a badge of honor—or shame.

  "Why, Daniel," he begins, in a mocking tone, "You look positively stunning. Everyone in this room envies you."

  The whole class immediately begins to applaud Gabriel in admiration, and yet confusion towards his professed "sympathy" for the queer boy in school.

  I feel around instinctively for the mysterious new object that now lies upon the right side of my chest, as Gabriel gracefully bows to the cheering crowd and says, still with my drawing in hand,

  "Now, if you will excuse me, I have a very pleasant surprise for Mrs. Majewska to deliver."

  My heart comes to a stop.

  "Wait," I say in alarm. "Where are you going??"

  But before he can answer, he's already running out the door.

  "Gabriel!" I shout, running after him. "Gabriel, stop!"

  He laughs as if this is some sort of game as he races through the hallway.

  I desperately catch up with him and grasp his hand before he can make it to the teacher.

  "Gabriel, please!" I plead with him, choking on a lump of sorrow in my throat as tears stream down my face. "I beg you! Don't do this!"

  Gabriel stares through the bubbles of tears and into my desperate, big, blue eyes, as we now stand face to face.

  And for a split second, I think he begins to seriously reconsider his behavior.

  That is, until Mrs. Majewska herself suddenly appears behind him, with a concerned expression on her face.

  "Don't do what?" she asks suspiciously.

  Gabriel takes one last glance at me, then looks over at Mrs. Majewska and hands her the paper.

  She silently observes the drawing, and after what feels like forever, finally looks me straight in the eyes.

  "Dan—" she stumbles over her words. "Daniel drew this?"

  "Indeed, I just knew you'd be surprised!" Gabriel responds, obviously proud of himself. "Though not nearly as surprised as I was when I first looked upon this monstrosity!"

  He takes the notebook out of the teacher's hand.

  "You see?? The little twerp got my eyelashes wrong!"

  He suddenly pretends to feel lightheaded and falls to the floor as Mrs. Majewska quickly catches him, obviously falling for his little prank.

  "My heart!" he yells, obviously faking a heart attack. "Feel my heart!"

  She looks up at me with cold eyes and whispers, "How dare you...?"

  Then raises her voice, "How dare you?!"

  I stumble back at her words, my hands covering my heart as fear rushes through every inch of my body, and I dart toward the exit through the blur of tears, not looking back.

  I run through neighborhoods, busy streets, and roads until I eventually stop to rest by a charming wooden bridge above a little stream dotted with lily pads in the town park—the park Gabriel and I visited the day we met—and look down into my misty reflection on the water's wavy surface.

  I see the image of a young boy. A boy with tears rolling down his cheeks.

  No... Not a boy. Not the way a boy ought to be.

  "What is wrong with me?!" I shout out. "Why am I like this?! Why couldn't he have loved me?! Why couldn't he have stayed?!"

  "If only he had stayed! Maybe... maybe if he had stayed, maybe if I had grown up with a father, he could have taught me how to be a man."

  Maybe then... I wouldn't keep getting it wrong.

  I clench my fists onto the railing, and I have half a mind to jump over it and into the slow stream, but the drop is so shallow it would only scrape my knees.

  Instead, I wait around for school to end, and finally return home to my mother once it's dark enough.