I looked around for cameras and sound equipment just to make sure I wasn't on the Paramount lot in 90’s Burbank. If that was true, it would be disappointing, but I could make it work.

  No cameras, no boom mics. Just a simple 24th century frontier station. Outside the window, the wormhole bloomed into existence. A few people stopped walking and watched. I was one of them. It was mesmerizing.

  Deep space nine is a space station owned by the Bajoran government, but it is being run by Starfleet. Who are officially just here to assist in rebuilding after the Bajoran and Cardassian war. Unofficially, Starfleet was here just to gently persuade Bajor to join. Once the wormhole was discovered, this station became much more important.

  “The view is incredible, I can't believe I get to see this in person.” I said out loud not paying attention to the others watching.

  “Yes, the Celestial Temple is quite a sight. I can barely believe it myself” A Bajoran man stood next to me and said as he looked out the window. “I can't believe it's only been a few months since it was revealed to us. Peldor joi! ( I wish you joyful gratitude) ” He then walked off and disappeared into the crowd.

  If the wormhole had only been discovered for a few months that means I have jumped into season one. Figuring out exactly when I've arrived will be a bit tricky. TV shows in the 90’s were very episodic and frequently had time jumps of days or weeks between episodes. I was an avid fan, but I wasn't the super obsessive type that memorized star dates. That was what memory alpha, a wiki for Star Trek, was for.

  That phrase “Peldor joi.” nagged at me. It wasn't a common greeting, but it was important. I just couldn’t remember why.

  I stood and stared at the stars and thought. The wormhole had opened and closed a few times. Others had stopped and gone back to their busy lives. I just looked at my reflection in whatever super space glass separated me from the void.

  “I'm here.” I said to my reflection. “I'm really here.”

  “Yes, you are.” A voice with a commanding and accusatory tone said next to me. A tall blond man with facial features like an unfinished sculpture stood there. It was Odo, station security and a changeling who was steadfast to his ideals of justice.

  “Hello, Mr. Odo, Sorry If I got in the way. I was just enraptured by the view. This is a pretty amazing spot. Do you think it would be ok to set up the food cart here?”

  “Hmmph, a merchant, Sorry but all commercial activity must be limited to the main deck of the promenade. If you will follow me to the nearest turbolift.”

  “Of course, lead on. Say Mr. Odo, someone just used the phrase ‘Peldor joi.' I recall that it is important, but I forget why.”

  “For someone who forgets the greeting of the Gratitude festival you speak flawless Bajoran. “

  We arrived at the turbolift doors. Odo pressed some buttons on the touchpad, the doors opened and I rolled the foodcart in. Eventually. I did have to take the umbrella down and collapse some of the shelves to get it to fit. Once that was complete the full meaning of his words hit me.

  “Bajoran? I thought I was speaking English.” His eyes squinted at me. I had just become a puzzle to the man who spends his day solving puzzles.

  “Curious.” he said as the turbolift doors closed around us and we were lowered 20 feet to the main level of the promenade. “This device you are pushing around, you called it a food cart? I gather that means you will be selling food products.”

  The food cart had a few more industrial touches to it. It had grey square panels on the sides and a customer facing menu screen. It looked like I had taken a piece of hallway from the Enterprise and wrapped it around my food cart. It still had the big bicycle wheels and handle though. No fancy hover tech I guess. My condiment jars were squeezable plastic instead of bamboo, so that was nice.

  “That is correct, Mr. Odo, Sir. I will be preparing and selling many different recipes from ancient Earth. Perhaps even incorporating some local ingredients and discovering a few new recipes.”

  “Well, you will need to make sure all your permits are on file with the provisional government in the Assayers office, and a few forms will need to be filled out at security and passed along to the Starfleet personnel who manage the station.”

  “Sounds great. Umm. Where exactly are those places? I did just arrive”

  “Yes, and where did you arrive from?”

  “Earth” I mean technically Konoha is an Earth.

  We walked down the promenade. I pushed my cart past Quarks bar. Quark was polishing a glass and talking to a few other ferengi I didn’t recognise. They must have only been in one or two episodes. I wanted to wave hello, but waving to Odo’s nemesis was a good way to upgrade me from a puzzle to a potential problem.

  Odo gave a policeman's stare to the station's resident bartender and criminal schemer. I just smiled at everything like a fool. I couldn’t help it. I was HERE.

  “And how long are you planning on staying on the station?”

  That was a big question. The message said this trip would be a long one. I have not had a visit last longer than ten days so far.

  The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  “As long as I can. If business does well, I would love to set up my little restaurant permanently. The gratitude festival, that’s the one with the scrolls that get tossed into the fire right? Will there be an official celebration at the station ?”

  “Thats right, there might be some individuals celebrating on board but most of the activity will be on Bajor.”

  Odo then handed me a padd, an iPad- like device with a hard plastic shell over the bottom half.

  “Here is a copy of the forms I need you to fill out and deliver to security before you set up your cart. Those forms require a medical checkup, so please make an appointment as soon as you can with the station's medical office. I also included station regulations for food handling and preparation. The assayers offices are now right in front of us. You can also apply for long term housing here.”

  Odo walked away as I parked the cart next to the wall and got in the Assay office line.

  The Assay office is generally seen on the TV show as a secure storage vault. Vash stores her artifacts here before putting them up for auction in the episode Q-less.

  I have mixed feelings about running into a Q. I met John DeLance once at a Star Trek convention when I was 12. While the actor was a nice enough guy, I somehow doubt his semi-villainous character would react well to an outsider playing in his sandbox. In Q-less he was willing to let the station get ripped apart by a wormhole because Vash spurned him.

  I don't know whether I have arrived before or after those events. Asking the attendant if he had met Vash the disreputable tomb raider yet would be probably slightly less foolish than admitting you know top secret information to Anbu. I would like to think I've grown wiser over the last 20 hours.

  The line moved slowly, as the people in front of me were converting currency to or from Bajoran credits.

  Two Ferengi men were in front of me in line, one was carrying a large bag and the other a petri dish filled with green powder. They were having a conversation about securing business opportunities in the gamma quadrant when I interrupted.

  “Excuse me for the interruption gentlemen, I see you have a unit of souvenir remains. May I ask who died and what price I might be able to buy them for?”

  The man holding the remains answered without turning around. “Did you arrive from Ferenginar so late that you don't even know? These are the remains of Grand Nagus…”

  “Zek?” I asked. Zek wasn't supposed to die. He retires on Risa and names Rom his successor. There was one time where he did pretend to die. This could be then, but I needed verification.

  “Yes Grand Nagus Zek and I doubt you could affo.. Hu-mahn?”

  At this point the other Ferengi with the bag turned around, and looked at me with wide eyes.

  “How does a Hu- mahn speak so well? He doesn't have the lobes for it.”

  “Are we going to waste valuable time making fun of my small ears or will you tell me who the new Nagus is?”

  The one with the bag whispered to the other, and they looked at me with suspicion. Finally the one holding the petri dish responded.

  “ How much is it worth for you to know?”

  “ Not much, if you don't tell me I can just go ask Quark once I'm done here”

  “Good luck getting an appointment !” said the one holding the bag before he was slapped by his companion.

  I hammed up my reaction just a bit.

  “Nooo. Quark is the Grand Nagus? That's a good one. Now tell me another joke.”

  “Quiet human, or I'll be buying a disk of your remains next.”

  The two men then turned away from me with a bit of a scowl. Apparently they didn't like a human making light of their new Nagus.

  Fair.

  Perhaps a peace offering.

  “My apologies esteemed businessmen, I meant no disrespect to the Grand Nagus, I was just surprised. Perhaps I can make it up to you with a meal. I'm a fairly decent chef. If you don't mind trying some human food I'll make you a meal when I have my cart set up.”

  “We'll pass, few things are more expensive than a free meal.”

  “I never said it was going to be free.”

  The two men laughed and said they will stop by and see if my food is worthy for Ferengi markets.

  Their turn came up and they settled their business, storing away their souvenirs in a private vault before leaving.

  Soon it was my turn to step up to the counter.

  A middle aged Bajoran man stood behind the counter typing on a padd. He had circles under his eyes and the expression of a retail worker in the middle of a shift: bored and irritated at the clock for not moving faster.

  “Peldor Joi, I am here to finalize my Bajoran merchant and food vendor license, secure retail space, and apply for long term habitation."

  The man looked up from his padd and did a double take. “Human, odd, I thought you were Bajoran from the accent.”

  “Sorry for the confusion, I've always been a bit of a mimic with languages and accents, recently got a lot better at it though.”

  “I'll say that's quite a talent. Before I looked up I thought you were from my home province. Can you show me the paperwork you have already completed and we will work from there.”

  The ability [ paperwork pass ] does a lot of heavy lifting each hop. In Konoha it let me enter the city and secure a merchant stall without much hassle. On DS9 the ability has affected the padd given to me by Odo, and filled in all the necessary paperwork.

  The padd now contained all the information I needed to apply for a Bajoran merchant license and some falsified travel records to explain my presence. Apparently I had just arrived on the trade ship Puck. I was the only passenger, and it left for Betazed immediately after I disembarked.

  Using the information on the padd we completed the Assay office’s necessary paperwork. I had to make up a name, so I made some adjustments to my Konoha nickname. I was told that everything should be final within the next twenty eight hours. The station commander would need to sign off on the retail space and long term quarters, and that could apparently take up to three days. In the meantime I was given an access card to a temporary group housing unit.

  The cost of the group housing was 50 Bajoran provisional government credits, or BPGC per day. The system allowed me to purchase BPGC at an exchange of 1 system credit to half a BPGC. So I spent 1000 system credits to give myself a healthy 500 BPGC wallet.

  Because my merchant's license was pending, I stored the cart in an Assay vault for 20 BPGC. Then I went for a walk.

  It was time to get my medical checkup.