I was surrounded by brilliant white light. Well, that’s not quite right. It just seemed that way at first. I looked up, and realised that above me, the light faded into darkness. If I looked down at my feet, it was like the floor was light. Not illuminated…it was made of light. The light spread in every direction, and was hard to look at, but not like staring at the sun or directly at a lit light bulb. It was like it was filling my head. The light effused outward, making it hard to see where it ended and became the darkness above.

  “Hello, Rusty,” the voice was soft, feminine and mildly condescending.

  Spinning around to face it, I saw the source of the voice. For a split second, it almost looked like I was talking to some vast array of outstretched wings, surrounding a central orb, with ribbons floating around it. But it was only a split-second, and the image clarified into the form of a tall, middle-aged woman with a tight blonde bun on her head, and her hands steepled in an inverted pyramid in front of her.

  “My name is Xandra. I think it’s time we talked,” she said.

  “What is this place?” I shielded my eyes from the light rising below my feet, never taking my eyes off the woman in the business suit in front of me.

  “This is the Pleroma. Or rather, the corona of the Pleroma. You’re not ready for the actual thing, the centre of all knowledge in all existence, so we’re having this meeting here. I’m hoping, perhaps, some of the insight of pure knowledge will permeate and will help you understand your position,” she said, smiling gently.

  “My position?” I said. I tried to sound calm and bury my growing sense of discomfort, but I didn’t quite manage it.

  Xandra clapped her hands together and started to slowly pace back and forth.

  “Yes, Rusty, your position. You see, you have been trying the patience of the Board a little bit. These constant little stunts to try and get out of your responsibilities in your new existence, us having to set you back to where you’re needed to be. It’s been getting a little tiresome, and there are those who think we should just scrap you all together.”

  I step back.

  “Is that a threat?”

  “Hardly. Merely a fact,” Xandra stops, and plants the smile on her face again as she fixed me in a stare. “After all, the Board is made up of both the Divine and the Infernal, and if enough of us feel you are more trouble than you’re worth, then we can easily move you along somewhere else. Oblivion, for example.”

  I laughed, despite myself.

  “You know, that’s hardly going to carry the weight you think it does, lady. I’d already been trying to get to oblivion all by myself.”

  “Yes, but you see, you are needed. Or you will be. You have a role to play here, an important one, and I think you really need to understand that. It may not be a leading role, true, but it’s no less important.”

  “To entertain the masses of Heaven and Hell? For some glorified, silly, transcendental reality TV game show bollocks?” I scoffed back.

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  “It is true that my people, and the Infernals, find the challenge thrilling and entertaining, but that isn’t its only purpose, Rusty. It helps us learn the best place for some souls to go on to, to figure out what they deserve. And you are an important part of that now. You can help us determine the true fate of those wandering souls. Isn’t that a role of significant enough importance to you?”

  “If this place you come from is the totality of knowledge, shouldn’t you already know that?” I asked, eyebrow rising.

  “Knowledge by itself is not enough. It lacks context. That is the true purpose of the Purgatoria, Rusty. Surely you can work that out.”

  She was right. Perhaps it was being on the edge of all that knowledge, but it felt like some aspect of understanding was building inside me. Knowing the actions of a life would seem like all you’d need, but there’s context to everything. Some could do things that seem altruistic but really be for deeply selfish reasons. Likewise, actions that seem bad or wicked could have stemmed from truly hopeful intentions. Should someone be judged for how things turned out alone? And what of those that didn’t take actions in life…or didn’t get the opportunity to?

  “And I am not without empathy, Rusty. I suppose we should have considered the reasons you chose to leave your mortal life early; we should have perhaps more gently eased your transition into this new position in existence. I am sorry for that. Truly.”

  She smiled, and it only half reached her eyes. If she did feel sorry, I could tell it wasn’t deeply. At some point, she had moved closer to me and was suddenly right in front of me. I could see her crystal blue eyes, like the clearest, cleanest waters, and it felt so easy to get lost in the depths.

  “Please. Would you stop trying to run away and help us? Help the Players who will come to you down the line?” Her voice drips with a sincerity that feels effortless, and practiced.

  I spun on my heel and marched off to make some distance between us again.

  “And do I have the chance to find my final place within the Pleroma too? As part of your heaven or hell or whatever you call it? If I do my job, do I have the chance to get the same rewards?”

  “Is it that that you want, Rusty?” Xandra tilts her head as she regards me.

  “I want to have some…measure of control over my own life at last. Or death, I guess. I want to know that I can mean something.”

  Xandra is suddenly standing next to me, looking into the distance of the bright horizon with me.

  “You do mean something, Rusty. It may not be the something you want, or feel you deserve, but you do mean something important in the greater scheme of things. We can perhaps extend some additional licence, given your role as a vital NPC…but the Pleroma isn’t an option, I’m afraid. Not given how you got here. This is the closest you will ever get, and that is an honour few obtain so it is quite the thing. But we change the rules for one Early Leaver, and we’d have to change them for all.”

  I turned to her. “Why would that be such a bad thing? Don’t you realise how we suffered to go down that path in life?”

  Xandra looked at me, and for the first time she looked genuinely empathetic. “Of course we do. The mortal existence is unbelievably hard, even we can see that. To be so far from the true heart of existence…to only touch it, briefly, from a distance, when you end? We can see that, of course. But it’s also a gift, and we cannot ignore throwing it away either.”

  We stood there in silence for what felt like minutes, or it may have been hours. It felt like an impasse was reached, and we each were waiting for the other to give. And oh how I wanted to not let it be me, how I wanted to stand there silently immovable. Sometimes I wish I had.

  “Fine,” I said, however. “I’ll play your game. I’ll help someone else get to move on truly. But I need some more freedom…at the very least, let me wander from the town a bit. Let me see some of this world that was made for everyone else to play in.”

  Xandra seemed to think for a long moment, eyes going a little glassy, like she wasn’t wholly there with me anymore.

  “That can be arranged. There will still be some constraints, but we can…loosen some of them. That shouldn’t damage the greater purpose.”

  I sighed. “Fine. Now, send me back. Let me get ready for whoever you send me.”

  “Of course. You’ll be given plenty of time to learn and prepare for your role, so please, do not feel rushed, Rusty. We want you to come to enjoy this too.”

  I grunt. “One more thing,” I said, turning my back on the woman who wasn’t really a woman. “Don’t call me Rusty.”