Book 4: The Long Way Home

  Chapter 1

  Take Comfort Where You Find It

  On a bright, clear, summer morning high in the mountains above Foresthome, a fair sized group of people and animals strode down a narrow trail. Pine and hemlock trees towered over the party, shading them from the warm sunshine while they struggled with the rugged game track they doggedly followed. A small, sly green form and a number of dark, furry shapes roved ahead, scouting the trail and leading the way.

  “Slow giants… You make too much noise!” Daisybelle complained when the head of the column caught up; her long, green, pointed ears twitching in annoyance. “Bahh! This path is wide enough for properly sized people, already!”

  “Really, Daze? I’m feeling a little hemmed in right now.” Gandree Ward sighed from a few yards behind his goblin lass. The wide and blocky dwarf lad turned sideways and still barely managed to negotiate a tight spot between a boulder and a large pine tree, above an almost sheer drop of at least fifteen yards. Brambles, sharp stones and some very thorny looking undergrowth awaited anyone unfortunate enough to fall down the slope.

  Princess Daisybelle, first Warg Knight of the goblin king sighed prettily and adjusted her plump, jiggly boobs at her exhausted boy, who was still working his way up to her perch. The vivacious little mountain gobbo smiled in a way that perked her dwarf up nicely. “I want less complaining and more climbing, Gandree-boy! See? Even the horsie is doing better than you!”

  Sure enough, Flash and Lindsey were negotiating the same tight location with only minimal assistance from the rest of their team. Benny Olan placed his huge shoulder behind Flash’s round, equine rump and gave him a slight boost, nearly launching the goofy yearling colt up the path, into the arms of his bonded rider.

  Daisy plopped her bottom down on a flat rock and waited, a smug smile of amusement on her round, green-apple cheeks, while her mate scrambled up a steep, rocky slope. “Mountain folks are supposed to be good at this kind of thing…” She mumbled, once he joined her at the top, overlooking an even more rugged and dense section of trail, winding out below them among the steep crags.

  Gandree staggered over to where Daisy’s familiars were already snoozing in the shade of a manzanita bush. “I grew up under the mountains, silly girl.” He scolded her weakly, while he sprawled out on Jasmine’s wide, furry body, using the warg as a pillow.

  “Take a break here, flatlanders…” The little goblin sang out merrily, once the rest of the family made it up to the small clearing where she and her canine familiars waited with her exhausted boyfriend. “Poor Gandree is all worn out now.” The goblin was curled up in his lap and wriggling closer as she spoke.

  “Daisy… I really hate you at the moment…” Lindsey gasped, as she sagged down onto the puppy pile in the shade with her leggy, sweaty horse.

  “Well, I still likes you, Lindsey girl!” Daisy chirped, as the rapidly growing heap of tired people and pets expanded, under the shady little bower. Maya, Frankie and Benny collapsed in the papery bark shavings beneath the little tree with a chorus of thankful and tired mutters, finding comfy spots of their own among the family.

  Barry and his brothers still roamed the mostly barren clearing with their older siblings and parents, distributing camp furniture, setting up tents and awnings or preparing a meal on a campfire that appeared almost before the rest of the crew even made it up to the top.

  Trestle tables, chairs, all the comforts of a warcamp appeared wherever the tall, brown haired men walked, seeming to emerge from nowhere at all, fully assembled. A samovar of hot water stood on a table under an awning, surrounded by plates of snacks, crocks of tea leaves, strainers, mugs, sugar bowls and all the needful things for a pleasant tea party on a high mountainside, miles from civilization.

  The older Ward kids, Amy, Wilf and Rio, all performed a smooth, flowing dance together; while laying out a fine spread of sandwiches, bread, butter and several baskets of fried nuggets. What kind of meat might hide inside the crisp, golden brown coating was a mystery best left unexplored.

  The meals were always delicious in the Ward household, but the menu featured many exotic creatures that most people found too disturbing to seriously consider eating. Whether it was groundworm, the humble trash monsters that only the poorest would willingly eat, or the crawling, nightmare insects of the deep wilds; the Wards always found a way to make even the most deeply suspect prey, delightfully palatable.

  As if she had read Lindsey’s mind, Amy swanned past the tired teens under the shade and giggled. “Giant land leech sausage sandwiches… They’re super good!” With that cryptic advice, she skipped away, to help her brothers with the setup.

  Together, the young Adventurers watched the Wards create a comfy, well appointed little camp from nowhere at all, in just a few minutes. “It’s so strange…” Lindsey whispered as the family of odd people worked together in their own unique way. “They just make these amazing things happen, so effortlessly.”

  “Oh, yeah…” Frankie agreed quietly. “They’re all weird; it’s only to be expected, I suppose.” He leaned back on Maya’s shoulder and sighed. “You’re new, Lindsey… I know it seems completely mad, but we’ve known the Wards for our entire lives, so we’ve gotten accustomed to it.”

  “I was two years old when I first met them…” Maya murmured softly. “A venomous monster spider bit me in the middle of winter, it was really bad. My parents were rushing me to Wheatford, hoping to get me to the temple of Dana in time; when we met them on the road.” She sighed fondly.

  “I only remember waking up, swimming in their bath with lady Tawny herself tending to me. I didn’t understand that she was heir to the duchy then… She was just the most beautiful, warm and gentle person I’d ever seen.” Maya’s smile spread like warm honey over her face, easing her usually hard expression. “That was when I decided to become an Adventurer…”

  “Tell us about that, Maya… you’re always so quiet.” Amy urged her friend, as she settled in among the kids with a sigh of delight.

  “I’m a ninja, darling; A high kicking, smoke bomb throwing, stealth assassin. I punctuate every kill with a witty bon-mot, then escape with an acrobatic, flashy display of my arts…” Maya replied gently. “I just keep all that inside.”

  “Maya thinks she’s all that… ‘cause she thinks she’s two years older than me.” Amy answered through a vast yawn and a stretch. “I was born just a few days after she met my folks… But I was born four years old.” Amy failed to suppress her giggle at the confused looks her new friends sprouted at her inexplicable claim.

  “Back when the three lost gods were still around and the sky only held one moon, papa Gary got in a fight with the duke’s tax collector. The tax man turned out to be a horrible undead monster, hiding behind some fancy robes and a government title… When papa peeled the awful thing apart; I was hiding inside!” Amy smiled so sweetly and giggled again, making Lindsey wonder whether all the Wards were mad… All except Barry, of course.

  “Yeah, it’s true.” Wilf said with a sigh, as he joined the group. His huge, sandy blond, blue eyed bulk landed gracefully beside his slim, dark skinned, sweetly smiling sister. “I’m the same. Papa Gary pulled me out of… He pulled me out of a dark and awful place.” Soft spoken and sober, Wilf seemed the least odd of all the Ward kids and the least approachable.

  “Me too.” Rio offered as he joined the little group in the shade. Tall, lean, muscular and absurdly handsome, the dark skinned lad’s close cropped, wooly, black hair seemed to shine and sparkle in the dappled sunlight.

  “The office of tax assessment and levies was run by an evil cult of necromancers and demon summoners for a long ass time, centuries at least. Until our dad showed up, that is. The dukes had no idea and it turns out, the same guys ran all the tax offices down in the Empire of Light.” Rio sighed and leaned back on his sister’s lap.

  “Auntie Fig says they all disappeared in a single day, every one of them; taking their secrets with them.” Rio winked at Lindsey and chuckled. “You haven’t met Fig yet, she’s the immortal dryad of the Fig Grove and a super sweetie.”

  “So she’s like your uncle Ward, that weird fig guy?” Lindsey asked carefully.

  “Well, yes and no…” The handsome lad began, before shaking his head and smiling. “One thing at a time! Amy, you explain… us. You’re the best at it.”

  “Big baby…” She complained sweetly at her lanky brother. “Well, here goes; officially, according to the records, I’m sixteen years old; so are Wilf and Rio, since officially we were all born within a few weeks of each other. In reality, I’m almost twenty, so’s Rio. Wilf, he’s a little younger, technically… and way, way older than he looks.” She fell silent and glanced at her big, quiet brother.

  “Who knows? I was imprisoned for a long time in… that thing.” He grumbled softly. “Time is weird.”

  “So, there you go… Rio and I both appeared as four year old children; while Wilf looked around two or three, even though he’s the oldest of us all. Barry, Larry and Perry all fell from the sky together, fractions of our papa blasted off and made into new people. They arrived looking around two years old, while Harry showed up as a straight up newborn baby, a year later. Officially, Harry is fourteen and the rest of the boys just turned fifteen.”

  Amy leaned back on Gandree, sharing his lap with Daisybelle and sighing with happiness. She kicked off her boots and settled in among her friends and family. Right on cue, Shiro popped out of Amy’s bosom, arriving in his kitten form just in time for naptime; his low, thunderous purr put the whole crowd into a mellow, sleepy vibe.

  “Technically, our dad is still a child, since he tore through the veil to appear on this world as an eighteen year old man, then exploded and got reborn from a magical tree…” Amy explained lazily, drawing a sharp elbow from Maya. “Ouch! Nasty, mean ninja!”

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  The small, powerfully built woman chuckled darkly at Amy’s complaints and took over the tale. “I swam in Gary’s pool, while his internal… stuff was all in a huge mess. As I grew up, I started developing gifts and abilities that made me one of them…” She waved at her team and the four younger Wards, who were still busily doing something, out in the clearing.

  “Frankie and Benny’s mothers both soaked in Gary’s pool around the same time and were born in his bath waters, so they’ve never been normal.”

  “Hey!” Benny complained weakly, while Frankie just nodded and smiled with whatever Maya said.

  “The chaotic magic of the baths made us all family… Or perhaps Gary’s pool only revealed a connection that was there all along.” She mused thoughtfully. “Either way, you’re one of us now, Lindsey. Daisybelle, Gandree… it was always too late for you two.”

  “Yub-yub! We is kin!” Daisy chirped merrily, while she was busily climbing inside Gandree’s shirt. “All uncles are weird, cousins too. Is big, crazy family! Best kind!” The cute goblin girl cuddled up, entirely inside her man’s shirt and sighed with pleasure.

  “It’s a little scary, the way they just swooped me up and took me in…” The lanky, gray eyed new girl whispered softly from somewhere among the snoozing wargs.

  “You first encountered Barry while he was going through some deeply strange things…” Amy wrapped her arms around Lindsey and sighed.

  “Lady Dana, the goddess of Healing attacked his soul while he was dreaming; that violently forced open his third eye, just as you and he met in the baths. That kind of experience created bonds… real and strong spiritual and emotional attachments; but you are not being influenced or controlled.” The Admiral’s voice became a whisper, just for her new friend’s ears. “You can sever those ties and leave, if you wish… Though, we all dearly hope you won’t.”

  “I still don’t understand why the lady of Healing would attack Barry’s soul…” She whispered back, just as softly. “That scares me as much as all the rest.”

  “Our dad is broken, Lin…” Amy whispered. “He could have, should have been a member of Healer’s cult, maybe even her clergy, if only he hadn’t been abused by some of the other gods, fae and spirits of the pantheon. The wreckage of him that landed on the world was too damaged and unnatural for her to bear, yet she couldn’t not hear his soul calling to her across the veil.”

  The Admiral shifted to get more cozy and continued, speaking a little more loudly, to share with the group. “That’s why Dana hates him, but can’t not follow his every move. Her twisted obsession is a mirror image of her relationship with the god of War, she loves them and can’t abide them in many of the same ways…”

  “Lady Tawny’s relationship with our dad is especially fraught, because of her goddess’ angst and turmoil. That’s why many of Healer’s spells and gifts don’t work well on our dad.” Rio offered from across the shaded gathering. “Tawny’s spells can knit his bones and make him grow new teeth, but no spell of the Healer can mend his flesh or replenish his vital humours. That’s why he invented a natural healing ointment that works on anyone, without needing the Healer’s grace or touch. Old-lady Dana got super pissed off over that.”

  Amy giggled a little and took over from her brother. “Of the four triplets, Barry is the most like our dad; he’s highly compatible with the Healer, without the baggage of papa’s damaged soul. She decided on her own that he would be hers, but Barry rejected her advances. Even though his soul is deeply rooted in the metaphorical soil of our family, Dana sees him as her property and is being a real bitch about it.”

  “Oh, gods and spirits…” Lindsey murmured weakly, as the crushing weight of life’s absurdity crashed down on her. “That’s why the goddess broke my divine Contract so violently…? She was just being spiteful, petty and mean?”

  “Don’t be too disappointed in her, divine beings can struggle with emotions and stuff too… And our dad is an awful, slightly undead mess.” Wilf grumbled.

  “Wilf is always trying to make peace between Dana’s faction and the gods that align with our family. He’s all soft and squishy, deep inside.” Amy teased her bigger, younger brother with a sassy grin.

  “I just don’t want anyone to get hurt anymore, mortals or divines.” He growled quietly at his cheerful sister. “I take these things seriously, because in the end, I’m the one who has to do what needs doing.”

  “Oh! Lunchtime! It’s lunchtime, gang, let’s go!” Rio sang, sounding more excited for a change of topic than for the delicious feast spread out on the tables. Rio chivvied them into motion with eager insistence that was not to be denied; deftly, he shoved a land-leech sandwich into Wilf’s mouth, silencing the big man very effectively.

  “Let’s not spill the tea…” Amy whispered in Lindsey’s ear from across the long trestle table of feasting Adventurers with her odd ability. “Poor Wilf can’t lie, not even a little. He can’t even prevaricate or dodge questions, so please don’t interrogate him. He needs to keep his secret for a little while longer.”

  “Where’s dad?” Wilf rumbled, as much to shift the topic as any other reason.

  “He’s crafting right now, making Barry a new ocarina.” Amy sighed happily before turning to address Lindsey. “It’s therapeutic… He’s still under ranked so he needs to keep his magical energies carefully balanced to prevent symptoms.”

  “Symptoms?” The lanky girl asked, while watching the four brothers work around the camp from the cuddle pile.

  “Eldritch diarrhea, mostly!” A sweet, high pitched and faintly alien voice offered merrily, from a perch on the manzanita tree shading the loungers. With a soft buzz of insectile wings, Kree the Hive-Maiden drifted down and landed on a lower branch, smiling at her minion’s children and their friends. “My servant remains terribly fragile, as a result of his unbalanced soul and fractured spiritual state. He’s a wreck inside!”

  Tiny, wasp-waisted and sheathed in black and gold chitinous armor, the creature stood barely four inches tall. She flew with effortless grace on dragonfly wings that glinted and sparkled like stained glass in the summer sunlight filtered through the boughs. At her hips rode a tiny black rapier and a golden dagger, sparkling with tiny silver inlaid runes and miniscule gems.

  “Be nice, princess!” Amy cooed at the tiny insect girl. “He’ll need a nap afterwards, so we’re probably camping here tonight…”

  “Come on, Wilf, let’s get our houses set up.” Rio prodded his blocky, sandy blonde brother into motion with a relentless smile of cruel enjoyment.

  /

  Soft, slick, white clay danced under his fingers, as the summer sun slowly warmed his body, except where his butt rested on a granite boulder. Will, magic and gentle spellcraft manipulated the clay, more than his hands did, but getting his cruddy fingers into the stuff made all the difference in how it would play in the end. The tiny imperfections he would inevitably leave behind would give the cute, pudgy songbird flute a distinct voice of its own.

  A bamboo stylus tipped with a shard of sharp, knapped jade inscribed a few final runes, hidden in the clay figurine’s tailfeathers of moulded clay, bringing the creature into the false semblance of life. With a sweet, trilling song, the white bird darted for the sun, high above in a long spiraling display of exuberance.

  Gary Ward, mad witch of Wheatford duchy sighed with the pleasure of being nicely exhausted, just in time for a good long nap on the moss, beside a sparkling, mountain-side hot spring.

  That the spring, moss and the garden it sat in came from within himself and outside reality, called into being from magic, moonlight, sunlight and shadows made little difference on a lazy, late summer afternoon.

  He watched his creation circle, from flat on his back beside the spring and private bathing pool, steaming in the crisp mountain air. Music continued to drift down from the high-flying clay flute, as it baked itself in the pure sunshine of the upper reaches, where a creation of earth and sky could touch the endless firmament beyond, if only a little.

  Exhaustion settled over the spent mage, as cosy as any blanket, lulling him off to sleep as the clay birdie fluttered down to land beside his outstretched hand. When he failed to respond the critter began hopping about and pecking at the moss, pretending to be a real bird of flesh and feathers while its creator slept.

  “Gary Ward, you must face me!” A voice shouted in the realm of dreams, annoyingly loud, despite the vast not exactly ‘distance’ over the ether it crossed to reach his sleeping ears. “You cannot deny my commands! I sense your presence here, mortal!”

  “He is insistent, if nothing else… isn’t he?” The sweet, musical voice of Thirp, the Spinner in Darkness, lady of Sweet Secrets whispered beside his left ear. He looked over, expecting to meet the familiar gaze of one of his oldest friends. “What The heck?!” Gary demanded of the pale, white haired, slender girl seated on the edge of his bed, in the world of his dreams.

  The familiar spider goddess smiled from a very human face, rather than her typical eight eyed, venom fanged features. A very beautiful and extremely human face, attached to a slim, graceful neck and a set of sculpted, pale shoulders, entirely human seeming in almost every way. She still bore a thin, velvety pelt of extremely fine fur from her elbows to her wrists and on her slim, shapely calves, but the number and placement of those appendages read as entirely human female… and cute as hell.

  “Thirp? This is new…” Gary gasped, startled, amused and intrigued, all at once by the changes wrought in his divine friend. She still exuded that sense of stillness and motion combined, like a tranquil pond in those moments between duck landings and leaping fish. Likewise, her scent was redolent of deep summer gardens and sunwarmed lavender, as always.

  “Spill the tea, sister… What’s going on with the awesome new aspect?” He asked gently, eying the spider goddess’ rapidly twitching, eight fingered hands. “You know I can always tell when you’re upset and hiding it.”

  “Yes… But you are usually too polite to interrogate me at such times.” She replied with just a hint of sass in her tone.

  “Yup… But I’m feeling nosey and intrusive today! You and Ducky have been watching all this time, but I’ve hardly had a chance to catch up with either of you. You drew the short straw, by being here when I landed. Now spill it! What’s up with the new hotness you have going on there?”

  “Perhaps it’s just that your god of War is so disruptive and loud! I woke up looking like this a few of your mortal days ago… after a particularly pleasant dream.” The creature’s big, dark eyes fluttered behind long, white lashes as she attempted to avoid her friend’s gaze.

  “I’m gonna let War sit and spin for a while, no matter how much he bitches. I owe his ass nothing but a clenched fist.” Gary said very slowly and carefully. “You, I owe so very much… I’m here for you, Thirp. Whatever it is, whenever you feel like you can talk to me.”

  He vanished a moment later, disappearing with a slow, sleepy yawn that echoed through the sky of the world of dreams.

  /

  Shai found her husband sprawled out on the mossy patch by the grotto pool, bare assed and lying in the sun, as usual. One of his pudgy little clay birdies hopped and pecked at the damp moss near his outflung hand, eagerly awaiting his attention. Shai sighed a little at the slightly melancholy scene, before she took his little clay bird onto her finger, so he wouldn’t roll over on the poor thing and crush the still damp clay golem.

  Shai giggled just a little as the tiny creature hopped up her arm and made itself at home in her hair, beside her ear. A moment later, its thin, sweetly piping music sang the poor dummie’s words into her ear.

  “When’s lunch gonna be ready, lover? I’m starving!”

  Shai giggled merrily and delivered a ringing swat to his rump, waking her sleeping Fool from whatever silliness he was dreaming at the moment.

  “Murpl?” He demanded, with a mess of damp, green moss in his mouth.

  “Exactly.” Shai declared firmly, through an obviously false scowl of matriarchal disapproval that failed utterly to conceal her smile of feminine delight, as her husband rose from his bed of forest greenery, completely bare in the late afternoon sunshine.

  “I could do with a bit of a murple, me own fair self.” Her sly wink and the obvious direction of her lascivious gaze made her big musician blush and chuckle. “Fer now, come eat something, ye poor, daft lummox. Ye slept through lunch and nearly til evening.”

  With a slight effort of Will, she draped a robe over him with a twinkling dash of his own magical nonsense, conjuring it from the lengthening afternoon shadows and fading summer sun. “Ah, that does feel fine… Yer growing stronger by the day, lad of mine.” She purred warmly as they strolled out of the hidden grotto together.

  “It feels that way…” He muttered cautiously. “I kinda over extended myself, just a little.”

  “Aye, but it has always taken weeks of painstaking work to create one of these, since ye returned to us. This one took a single long afternoon.” Shai stroked the breast of the little birdie nestled in her hair, eliciting a soft trill of aimless music from the creature.

  “He did turn out nice…” Gary muttered fondly at the tiny parakeet flute. “What colors should we paint you… hmm?” He asked the tiny thing as it darted over to perch on the collar of his robe. The pair landed at a table in the common room with Becky and Kermal Singh, High priestess of the cult of Knowledge and her husband, the knight champion of the duchy of Rummel.

  “So that’s where you were… Scouring your soul to create trinkets and oddities, as always.” Becky complained gently at her big, mad brother. The smile on Shai’s face eased the divinely inspired scolding she had planned to deliver onto the big lout for overreaching and hurting himself, again.

  “I’m fine, Becks. I had a nap, chatted with Thirp and woke up feeling pretty good…” Gary insisted, through the wretched and defiled remains of a leech sandwich left over from lunch. He put the poor thing out of its misery and reached for another, while Shai passed him a mixing bowl filled with salad greens tossed with sweet red miso dressing. “Hungry, though!”

  “Are you sure, Shai?” The slim, dark priestess asked her towering, ginger sister. “Maybe you should wait til spring, before taking him out.”

  “We simply go to visit kin, sister. We shall return from king Ghnash’s realm soon and ye will see the results of our efforts then. It shall be good for them both… For them all.” Shai’s confident and firm declaration brought a smile to Becky’s lips, followed by a long embrace.

  “Stay safe…” Becky murmured into her big sister’s bosom. “I wish we could go with you!”

  “Ye have work to do, love. The cult kinnae spare its high priestess for months on end! Ye shall join us soon, my dear. For now, we will be off to Goblinhome in the morning.” She released her little sister back into Kermal’s waiting arms with a soft giggle of pure joy. “We shall all have a fine time until then, my dear!”

  /