Bee threw a baseball-sized blueberry right into Steve’s opened mouth, cutting off his words before he could make a command to change reality. Samantha launched forward, popping the golden balloon lion he was seated atop of and sending him to the ground. Camilla went over to Matthew Twine’s tiny body to loot the wisp he’d left behind, before pulling out a crossbow that she aimed at Steve’s face. Bee also tossed some weird bright-green fruit at him that immediately enveloped his body in a slime-like pudding ball, blocking his mouth and locking his body in place, leaving only his nose and the top of his head free so he wouldn’t suffocate.

  Mumbled expletives came from within the pudding ball, but nothing happened, the effect of Steve’s power clearly contingent on the world being able to hear his words.

  “He’s level 20,” Camilla told Samantha, both of them on full alert, their weapons pointed at his face. Even Bee looked poised to turn him into a fine red mist with her Moth Dash or rotting him down to nothingness with her Stinky Fish and Fast Forward ultimate.

  “Don’t kill him!” I told them. “I just had an amazing idea!”

  Steve’s eyes locked onto me, a tiny flicker of hope inside them.

  I went over to the fucked-up-looking clown and leaned down to whisper into his left ear. The white make-up caking his face didn’t cover most of his ear, and it had an off-putting purple color to its skin.

  “Do you want to be a hero?” I asked him.

  Steve shook and squirmed, trying to move out of the pudding ball.

  “Stop that,” I told him, finger-flicking him in the forehead with my left hand. Had I used my right, his head would’ve easily flown from his neck, but instead he just got a red welt above his eyebrows.

  “Just tell him to blink once for ‘Yes’, and twice for ‘No’,” Panda said.

  Steve immediately did an exaggerated blink, since he could see and hear Panda.

  “Do you promise?” I asked him. “I don’t want any funny business. Unless that funny business is directed towards the Great Game orchestrators.”

  Steve blinked three times.

  I looked at Panda. “What does that mean?”

  “I have no idea,” he said with a shrug.

  I leaned in close to Steve’s ear and said, “Alright, here’s the first thing you do.”

  After I was done instructing Steve, I carefully removed the bit of pudding blocking his mouth. Bee, Samantha, and Camilla were all on guard, prepared to attack him, while I had Brock pulled back, ready to snap forward and delete his head.

  Steve coughed and cleared his throat.

  “Steve says: the Collection Phase is over.”

  EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT!

  Well this is weird. All of the clocks in my office just skipped forward several hours.

  But you know what this means:

  The Collection Phase is now over!

  All team bases will now emerge from the ground they were buried in as the Crafting Phase begins.

  In this Phase, you are able to enter other teams’ bases and steal their Monstrosity Materials.

  Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

  For those of you who didn’t have time to finish collecting enough materials, now is the time to go out and steal it from other Players. You can of course still venture into the Singing City, but we have removed the inhibitors, so it has become a much more dangerous place.

  You have 12 hours until this Phase is over, and whatever Monstrosity you have crafted at the end will become your champion during the Tournament Phase, where teams will be placed in randomly-generated brackets and only those who reach the semi-finals of their bracket will survive.

  Have fun!

  “It worked!” I said excitedly. “Steve has the power to affect the Game Event!”

  Steve smiled to himself. “I’m gonna be a hero.”

  “Alright, next order of business!” I told him.

  He nodded with a grin on his creepy face that revealed his needle teeth.

  “Steve says: all participants in the Tournament Phase will survive.”

  EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT!

  The higher-ups must be going through some kind of moral awakening, because I just received a message saying that all Players who make it to the Tournament Phase will get to live.

  I guess this is your cue to make some really weird Monstrosities, because so long as you participate in the Tournament, you will survive the Event.

  So, go wild out there and have fun!

  Bonus points if you make them delicious and feed them to me afterwards!

  “Holy shit,” Samantha muttered.

  “She didn’t thank me,” Steve said with a frown. “Steve says: the announcer thanks Steve, because he’s a hero.”

  “I don’t know if this is the right person to have such a power,” Panda remarked in concern.

  EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT!

  Thank you, Steve.

  You’re a hero?

  “Alright, last one!” I said, poking Steve in the side of his ugly head.

  “Steve says: the Crafting Phase ends when Gambit’s team have built their Monstrosity.”

  Panda looked at me with disbelief painted on his face. “For fuck’s sake, Gambit! Why not just have the phase end immediately and get this over with!? People are going to die before we can finish the Lordie mech.”

  “I didn’t want to make Bee sad,” I told him.

  “Aww,” Bee said. “Thank you. I would have been sad if I didn’t get to finish it. I might even have killed Steve.”

  “Uhh,” Steve muttered.

  “But doesn’t this mean we still need more materials?” Panda asked. “The mech isn’t finished until it has seven fingers, and we only have enough for five.”

  “That’s right,” Bee confirmed. “We still need two more good materials.”

  “We’ll give you what we collected,” Camilla said, clearly just accepting that we were speaking to someone she couldn’t see.

  “Hey! We fought really hard to get that!” Samantha protested.

  “Ma’am, they are literally saving tens of thousands of lives here,” she replied.

  Samantha folded her arms with a frown. “Fine.”

  “Oh wait, one more thing!” I told Steve.

  “There’s more?” he asked me.

  “I mean, we can stop here,” I said. “Unless you want me to recognize you as my best friend.”

  Steve’s eyes lit up.

  Panda frowned. “That’s so fucked up, Gambit.”

  I leaned down and whispered into his ear. “Repeat after me.”

  As I spoke, Steve repeated the words, clearly not giving much thought to what he was saying.

  “Steve says: all future Steve Says commands have to be approved by Gambit.”

  Everyone paused as I stood back up, stretching my back.

  “I’m a genius,” I remarked, feeling good about myself.

  “Wait…” Steve said. “No! That’s not right! Steve says: cancel the last Steve Says command!”

  A pop-up appeared in front of me.

  [Steve Says Confirmation Required]

  Steve would like to cancel the last command: “all future Steve Says commands have to be approved by Gambit”

  Do you wish to proceed?

  YES — NO

  I clicked ‘No’.

  “Perfect,” I said. “Let’s get going.”

  “That’s so mean,” Panda remarked. “But I guess that stops Steve from going amok with his broken power.”

  “Steve says: Gambit approves all future Steve Says commands!” he exclaimed, his voice clearly desperate.

  I clicked ‘No’ immediately.

  I brought out my longboard, and picked up Samantha and Camilla, putting them each under one of my arms. Bee rose up into the air on her wings to follow.

  “Stop that!” Samantha exclaimed.

  “Let me down!” Camilla added.

  I ignored them and took off towards the edge of the Singing City, leaving Steve stuck behind in the pudding ball.

  “Come back here!” he screamed, his voice becoming warbly and twisted.

  “That’s for turning my friend into a balloon!” I yelled back at him.

  Then I turned a corner and disappeared from his view.