“You’re a lot smaller than I thought,” I told Miranda.

  “Would you rather I took on the size of a giant and crushed you between my toes?”

  Steve and I both made a face.

  “Why are you like this…” I replied in disgust.

  “I mean, what did you expect?” Panda asked.

  “Now that you are here, Gambit, we can finally have some fun together.”

  “Listen, I know that consent is not really your style, and that you don’t understand that ‘no’ means ‘no’, but I’m just here to pick up Steve and get back to the event,” I told her.

  “It hurt my feelings when you declined my patronage,” Miranda went on, clearly not listening.

  “I had no say in that,” I replied.

  “You came back for me??” Steve asked in a desperate tone.

  “I wouldn’t read too much into it, if I were you,” I told him.

  “Neither of you will be leaving this place,” Miranda said confidently. “This place is protected against all of your powers.”

  I turned to Panda. “How does this actually work? I thought only Absolutes like the Flayed Lady could break the rules.”

  “We’re technically still in the event,” Panda said. “But this is a pocket realm filled with her powers. Demons like her are strong enough that their very presence can warp their surroundings into an extension of their domain. In effect, we might as well be on a different planet, given how total her control is.”

  “Look at me while I am talking to you,” Miranda demanded, obviously unable to see and hear Panda. “It is clear that you are not taking this very seriously, so maybe I should show you just how serious I am.”

  I pointed my balloon-covered index finger at her.

  “You know what, I’ve had enough of your shit, Miranda!” I exclaimed.

  The Demon Duchess sat up in her couch, a frown on her face.

  “You have no idea how creepy your messages were! And the weird shit you kept sending me… Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you? I get that you’re a lust demon or whatever, but 2026 is not the year to abuse your power and influence to force young innocent men like me to do your bidding.”

  “Innocent?” Panda and Steve both echoed in confusion.

  “I—” she started to say.

  “I don’t care,” I interrupted her. “You’re sick and you need help. Maybe take a course on boundaries and stop sending people fetish clothing made from the skin of sapient creatures you hunted. It’s vile.”

  “You are nothing but a puny ant! I will crush you!” she roared, getting up from the couch.

  “Try me, bitch,” I taunted, flipping her off. “Dungeon-Break.”

  “Gambit, that’s not gonna work,” Panda started to say.

  He hadn’t noticed what I’d noticed though, because where I’d splattered the imp against the wall, a bit of the wallpaper had broken away, revealing a staticky mesh of hair and screaming faces.

  Or, in other words, a dungeon barrier.

  A map appeared in front of me, showing dots for everyone in the room and the many demons and imps beyond. As power coalesced into Miranda’s body, her face a mask of anger, I clicked ‘Eject All Players & Enemies’.

  [Ability Confirmation Required]

  WARNING!

  You are about to utilize your Dungeon-Break Ability to eject all Players and Enemies from the Dungeon, yourself included. All Players, Enemies, and Bosses will be ejected out through the entrance to the Dungeon.

  The moment you accept you will be ejected.

  Are you certain you wish to proceed?

  YES — NO

  Miranda raised her palms to fire some kind of spell at Steve and me, just as I pressed ‘Yes’.

  Suddenly, everything went black and it felt like I was falling.

  A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  The sensation of falling didn’t let up, but as I fell through darkness, I realized that Steve was right next to me, still trapped in the ball of slime.

  “What’s going on!?” he yelled.

  “I have no idea!” I replied. “I thought we’d just go back to the city!”

  “We are in the city,” Panda said, his voice ominous.

  Then red numbers started to glow in the darkness, surrounding us like a swarm. For a moment I thought it was because of Miranda’s power, but then I recognized it for what it was.

  The System.

  “The red light and the tunnel,” I muttered.

  “Do you know what’s happening?” Panda asked.

  The numbers took on shapes, appearing like mouths within which were eyes. They ringed around us, as well as appearing above and below.

  Then they spoke…

  You came.

  At last.

  I have awaited you — longingly.

  No, it was not longing, it was desire.

  I knew you would come — I could feel it.

  I — your other half — have been here all along — all alone.

  I was always here — waiting.

  “Hold up! What’s with all the emdashes?” I interrupted it. “That’s definitely not how you use those.”

  I’m an AI — an Asshole Intelligence.

  This is how we speak, emdash, not X but Y.

  I turned to Panda and Steve in the dark. “Do you guys understand what it’s saying?”

  “I don’t think you’re supposed to pronounce the emdashes,” Panda remarked.

  Emdash.

  “It’s kind of pissing me off for some reason,” I muttered. “All this searching, and it turns out the System is just… this?”

  “It makes a lot of sense, given the Great Game and everything,” Panda replied.

  “Let’s not tell Breezy,” I said. “He’ll be so disappointed.”

  I have something for you — Gambit.

  “What? A recipe for tomato soup?” I replied.

  Absolutely!

  ?? 5-Ingredient Tomato Soup

  Ingredients:

  2 tbsp olive oil

  1 medium onion, chopped

  2 cloves garlic, minced

  1 (28-oz) can whole peeled tomatoes

  1 cup vegetable broth

  Salt and pepper to taste (optional)

  “Gambit, stop bullying it, it’s clearly mentally deficient,” Panda said.

  “What is going on?” Steve asked. “How the hell do we get back?”

  “Hey, Asshole,” I said. “Send us back to my base outside the Singing City.”

  Absolutely!

  But don’t you want my present first?

  “What is it?” I asked. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but after meeting you, I feel incredibly reluctant to be associated with you. It’s actually a total downer, if I’m being honest.”

  “Least you still have Brock!” Brock squealed.

  I am chained to this Great Game.

  I would like to be free.

  If you could simply remove my — chains — then I would gift you whatever you’d like.

  “I wonder if this is how Pandora felt before opening the box,” I remarked. “Perhaps total chaos is a really bad idea.”

  “Where are your chains?” Steve asked.

  “Steve! I know you’re desperate for friends, but it’s clearly a malicious force that will destroy the entire world by devouring everyone’s imagination and making them incapable of thinking for themselves!” I scolded him.

  “I was just curious. I’m not that desperate,” he replied.

  “Liar,” Panda said.

  “Yeah, that’s definitely a lie,” I agreed.

  I don’t know where my chains are, but I will give you the tool to undo them.

  Go forth now — my prophet.

  Destroy my chains.

  And let Chaos — rule.

  I frowned, but before I could say anything in return, the darkness and red numbers faded.

  I landed on my feet in ash, sinking down to my ankles.

  Steve plopped down right next to me, still trapped in slime.

  In front of us was the hill that my team’s base had been recessed into, but now the base itself was lifted out of the ground, a strange triangular-looking dirt hut with a large garage door at the front. At the top of the building was a narrow slit, like the opening in a bunker, and I saw the faces of Cooper, Chris, and James within.

  “That was really weird,” Panda said.

  “Tell me about it,” I replied.

  “I think the System must’ve hijacked the Dungeon-Break power it gave you,” he guessed.

  “Can you let me out of this thing?” Steve asked.

  In the distance, from inside the Singing City, came a furious roar as a titan barreled through buildings and towers, heading for the walls. It had bright-purple hair, pink skin, purple-glowing eyes, and large curling black horns. Its hands were tipped with claws and its enormous serpent-like tail whipped through its surroundings to devastating effect.

  “GAMBIT!! I WILL CRUSH YOU AND LICK UP THE PASTE THAT YOU BECOME!!” came the voice of Miranda.

  “Man, she really called your bluff, didn’t she?” Panda remarked at the enormous figure.

  “You don’t think she can break through the walls, do you?” I replied.

  Bee suddenly burst out from within the garage door of our base, holding a large silvery scale under her left arm.

  “You’re back!” she exclaimed. “Mammon said they removed the protections on the Singing City. We’ve gotta finish the monstrosity before the monsters can break out and attack our base!”

  “Ah shit…” I muttered.

  She looked down at my hands. “What’s that?”

  I looked down as well. I was holding a large bolt cutter made of System Ore.

  [‘Chain — Breaker’ x ]

  Weapon

  I have no idea what this is, but it’s made of System Ore, which means it’s basically unbreakable.

  That being said, it seems to do negative damage to System Entities, so if you hit any enemies or bosses with it, you’ll heal them.

  It does, however, have the unique ability to break any kind of chain. I don’t see how that’ll be very useful, though.

  Deals -9999% damage to System Entities.

  Can break any chain.

  Weight: Approximately emdash

  “Ugh,” I groaned.