Cooper was rubbing his cheek as we continued south from where we’d encountered Steve.

  “That was like one of my recurring nightmares,” he muttered.

  “If he comes back, I’ll kill him,” Bee said. “His voice can’t affect me.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure,” Panda replied. “He’s become a lot stronger than before, and his Simon Says power can literally change reality now. It didn’t use to work like that.”

  I got my longboard out and we used it to put even more distance between us and wherever Steve might be, tearing across the subterranean chamber full of pillars. After a while, it became obvious that there was something funky about the space, since we kept passing by the same set of puddles repeatedly.

  We instead tried to go southeast, which changed the scenery a little bit as we started to encounter moss-covered pillars and ground. But then that too kept repeating endlessly.

  Finally we went east and suddenly encountered curling trees with dilapidated and rotten wooden huts between them. It almost looked like a swamp with all the water and moss everywhere, not to mention the bugs.

  We slowed down to inspect the place and were immediately attacked by weird frog guys. Specifically, they were humanoids that just had rubbery dark-green and brown skin, webbed hands and feet, and weird frog heads.

  “This is our… RIBBIT …base!” exclaimed one and launched his tongue at me.

  I dodged under it and it took out a big chunk of the pillar behind me.

  Then I flew at him with SPRING_HEEL, smashing my fist up into his jaw, snapping his head back violently and killing him on the spot.

  Bee used her Moth Dash to fly through two others, turning them into a fine mist and bits of rubbery flesh. Then she swung her Stinky Fish weapon into a fourth guy’s head, knocking him towards me. I immediately punched him to death, and Cooper joined in by body-slamming the fifth and final frog, knocking him to the ground. Before the guy could get up, I jumped onto his head, squishing and splattering it like a tomato.

  Cooper looked down at the mess and swallowed hard.

  There was a big hut in the middle of the weird swamp forest and a larger frog guy popped out from within, wearing a brown wizard’s robe and pointed hat.

  “It’s a toadmancer!” I exclaimed excitedly.

  “CROAK, CROAK, RIBBIT!” he exclaimed, swinging a staff in a half-circle above his head.

  Hundreds of small frogs fell out of the air, dropping down onto us and producing a cacophony of noise.

  Then they all started to jump on top of each other, quickly forming a ball.

  Since the toadmancer was clearly the source, I punched the air and sent a blast of pressurized wind into his legs, knocking him over. Then Bee threw a Bounceshroom upside-down on top of him, bouncing his body into the floor about a hundred times in the span of 2 seconds, turning him into a paste.

  Cooper gagged loudly.

  “Fucking hell,” I muttered. “I didn’t know it could do that.”

  “Me neither,” Bee said cheerfully.

  The spell that the toadmancer had summoned didn’t stop though, and the noisy frogs continued to pile together, forming one large frog.

  “Should we crush them?” Bee asked, though I could tell she wanted to see what they’d turn into.

  “Not yet,” I told her.

  The frogs’ bodies melded into one, the gaps between their bodies vanishing and their rubbery skin fusing into one piece that stretched across the creature they formed.

  Then, when the transformation had completed, a bullfrog the height of a human remained.

  I blinked.

  “Kevin?”

  “RIBBIT.”

  “It’s Kevin!” I exclaimed.

  Panda sighed. “There’s no way.”

  This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

  The giant bullfrog looked me right in the eyes, his gaze locked onto mine. He had the same bulky and glistening shape as I remembered, with a dark muddy green on top and a brighter green on his belly, with a little bit of yellow and off-white at the front below his mouth.

  He blinked his left eye and then his right, before croaking, “FATHER.”

  Panda frowned.

  “It’s really you, my chonky boy!” I shouted excitedly, running forward to embrace Kevin in a hug.

  “Gambit, wait!” Panda warned, but I didn’t listen.

  As I wrapped my arms around my boy, it felt like thousands of needles pushed out of his lumpy warty body and into my skin. Then time stopped.

  SKILL TRIGGER!

  Reap This! triggered.

  Above Kevin and me, a large copper coin launched up into the air, spinning rapidly. It fell back down a second later, striking an invisible surface and coming to a rest, showing heads pointing down at us, meaning tails was on top.

  Tails!

  Before I could ask what it meant, Kevin exploded like a meat balloon.

  “NOOOO!!” I screamed as his steamy remains rained down around us.

  “Holy shit, touching that toad actually killed you and triggered your ability to survive death,” Panda muttered.

  “MY BOY!! THEY KILLED MY BOY!!” I wailed.

  “I don’t think that was Kevin,” Panda said while Bee and Cooper started scooping up the remains of the frog men, toadmancer, and Kevin.

  “I’ll get whoever is behind this!” I vowed.

  “It must’ve been a trap designed to get you,” Panda remarked. “Not sure who exactly would be behind it though.”

  “I’ll take down all of the Absolutes and agencies!” I exclaimed furiously.

  “Chill,” Panda told me. “How about we start with just the agencies and then work our way up from there? Fuck, what am I even saying…?”

  That sounded like a reasonable plan, so I took a deep breath to steady myself, immediately feeling better by having somewhere to aim my righteous anger.

  I looked at Bee and Cooper who both moved around looting stuff, unbothered by the gruesome murder of my beautiful boy. “What are you guys doing?”

  “The toad flesh can be used for the Monstrosity,” Bee said.

  I stooped down to pick up a still-steaming chunk of rubbery meat.

  [‘Frog Meat’ x ]

  Monstrosity Material

  Dropped by: a frog, obviously

  +1 to Athleticism

  +1 to Magic Defense

  +2 to Swamp Magic

  Weight: approximately four and three quarters

  I helped them pick up as much as possible, and then Bee showed me the wizard’s hat that the toadmancer had left behind.

  [‘Toadmancer’s Wizard Hat’ x ]

  Monstrosity Material

  Dropped by: a Toadmancer

  +4 to Intelligence

  +3 to Wisdom

  +10 to Swamp Magic

  Weight: approximately two

  “How did you know it was a toadmancer?” Bee asked.

  “Lucky guess,” I replied with a shrug.

  “I went up a level,” Cooper said.

  “Nice.”

  “Are you okay?” Bee asked me. “Your body is full of tiny holes.”

  “His health is at 10.8902%,” Panda said. “Apparently Reap This healed him a little bit.”

  “Should I try and get a fruit to bring your health back?” Bee asked, since she had her Fruit Basket ability.

  “Can’t you heal me?” I asked Cooper. “Your appraisal said you had powers like that.”

  “It’s a bit embarrassing,” he replied.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “I have to take my shirt off to use the ability.”

  “Ah, because you’re a Care Bear,” I remarked. “That makes sense.”

  “Do it!” Brock exclaimed.

  Cooper looked at my balloon-covered arm.

  Then he lifted his t-shirt, revealing that it was covered in pink fur.

  “Okay, I wasn’t expecting that,” I muttered.

  “Me neither,” both Bee and Panda said.

  Cooper frowned but then started to scrunch up his face like he was fighting for his life in the bathroom.

  A second later I was bowled over by a concentrated blast of what I was pretty sure was weaponized love.

  “It worked!” Panda exclaimed. “That healed you for 40%!”

  “It takes a lot out of me to do that,” Cooper said, sweat rolling down his face as he pulled his t-shirt back down.

  “If you level up more, it’ll become easier,” Bee told him.

  Just as I got up, an announcement by Billee rolled across the Singing City and the underbelly we were trapped within.

  EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT!

  Team ‘Samantha’ is the first to bring back parts for their Monstrosity!

  For those wondering, they brought back metal scales from the serpent Slissiler that many of you will have seen from afar.

  Until the next Phase of the Event, their base will be lit up with a beacon, so go say hi if you’re in the neighborhood!

  I’m being told to also remind you that while you cannot enter other Teams’ bases in this Phase, nothing is stopping you from camping out in front of someone’s base, if you really want to say hello.

  I think they want you to kill each other.

  You don’t have to, of course.

  But they definitely want you to.

  Alright, that’s it. Carry on with the murdering and looting!

  Also, tough luck to Team ‘Arny Bob Jr.’, who decided to fight around the feet of Big Ol’ Gargalob. You kind of asked to be stepped on, to be fair.