I ended up picking the Skippy! ability, since I realized it might work with an ability I’d gotten earlier from the Humanbus Brain.

  [‘Vehicle Whistle’ x ]

  Passive

  Did you know that whistling at Sloth Demons makes them go berserk?

  Anyway.

  This Skill seems like it has a lot of weird applications, since whoever designed it didn’t really understand what exactly defined a vehicle.

  I wouldn’t use it around those fat guys who fantasize about ponies, that’s all I’ll say.

  Whistling will animate the nearest vehicle and call it to you. Speed, durability, and duration varies based on the exact vehicle.

  Cooldown: 30 minutes

  As I reread the description, I also realized that I should probably do the summoning quite far away from the base, just in case it didn’t work on Skippy and somehow made Cooper come running to serve as my ‘vehicle’.

  To that end, we left the base with Chris, leaving James in Cooper’s care.

  Far to the east, on the opposite side of the city from Samantha’s base beacon, was an all-out brawl between three or four teams over something that looked like a golden eyeball.

  None of the bases near us had any activity, so we were clear to pick a spot near the wall of the Singing City where I could use my new ability.

  “Shouldn’t we just get in, grab some materials, and get out?” Chris asked.

  “This is quite a stupid idea,” Panda agreed, though of course Chris couldn't hear him.

  “Here we go,” I said, ignoring them both.

  Bee was bouncing on the balls of her feet excitedly, her legs buried up to her knees in the thick layer of ash.

  “Skippy!” I exclaimed.

  A black droplet fell out of the red sky and struck the ashy ground. Then a strange rolling sensation passed across the area, like waves spreading out from where the droplet had landed like rings in water.

  A strange thrum shook the air and a black pond suddenly just appeared, taking a portion of the wall with it. It was 3 meters in diameter and even in this strange realm it looked out of place.

  Ripples formed on the surface of the black water and then a whale shark emerged head-first, leaving half of its body submerged in the pond. Its body was dark-blue and white-glowing eyes dotted the front of its large head. A beard of strange tentacles grew from under its large mouth and it had at least eight fins on the sides of its body, with another two on top.

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

  Chris let out a string of expletives as it turned its attention on him.

  “You have called for me, Gambit,” said Skippy. His voice was deep and bassy, which was fitting for a creature his size. “You called and I answered.”

  “Uh, I’m over here,” I said.

  The whale head turned to face me. “I thought you looked different, but now I see you.”

  “Pretty sure this guy has really bad eyesight,” Panda commented.

  “Fak ‘im up!!” Brock squealed impatiently.

  “You don’t mind if we ride you like a vehicle, right?” I asked him.

  There was a long pause before Skippy replied, rather confused, “What?”

  “I thought we were turning him into sashimi,” Bee muttered, suddenly holding a large mushroom that had grown into the shape of a meat cleaver.

  “Hold on a moment, I am the proud offspring of Lord Nwetrou. To be used as a means of transportation or turned into food is far beneath my stature.”

  “That’s a shame,” I said. “Anyway…”

  I whistled loudly and Skippy’s entire body went rigid.

  “Did it work?” Chris asked.

  “I told you he wouldn’t be happy with it,” Panda said.

  “Let’s get on before he snaps out of it,” I told them and jumped onto the back of Skippy’s large head.

  Immediately, two of his beard tentacles curled around like handlebars, and when I grabbed them, I could feel how simple the controls for his body were, as well as the surprising ability he possessed as a vehicle.

  Panda sighed loudly as he jumped from Bee’s shoulder to mine. Then she got on behind me. Chris seemed reluctant until shouting came from a team of players that had just emerged from their own base nearby.

  With everyone on board, I cranked the right tentacle and Skippy started to hum like a motorcycle.

  [Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x ]

  ‘Cosmic Humiliation’

  Humiliated an Absolute’s Spawn.

  Hah!

  Skippy was always so boastful, bragging about what he’d done and who he knew.

  To see him turned into a simple means of transportation was something I didn’t know I needed until now.

  Reward: ‘Skippy Plushie’

  A plushie similar to the shark whale we were sitting on landed in my lap and I immediately inspected it.

  [‘Skippy Plushie’ x ]

  Item

  This is actually a voodoo doll bound to Skippy.

  I don’t think I need to say anything else, just let your mind fill in the blanks.

  Weight: approximately one

  I put the plushie away for now, and then I revved Skippy’s tentacles. The shark whale shot out of the pond and up into the air, aiming us towards the players that had yelled moments before.

  They all immediately turned around and ran back to their base as they saw the giant eldritch whale come flying in their direction.

  With a tug on the right tentacle I turned Skippy around in the air and aimed us towards the city and its wall. As we started to plummet back down towards the ground, the fins on the sides of his body flapped lazily, and Bee and Chris both squealed, but for different reasons.

  Panda held onto my neck tightly and Bee had her arms wrapped around my waist. For some reason, Chris was strapped to the back a bit behind her with a harness made of beard tentacles that I had no control over.

  As the wall of white bone rushed towards us, I activated Skippy’s special ability.

  The whale opened his mouth and spat out a stream of black water, creating a vertical pond in the section of wall we were about to hit.

  Then we slammed into the pond and were immediately underwater.

  Chris’ eyes went wide with horror as our surroundings were exchanged with a bottomless darkness full of distant blue-glowing leviathan shapes.

  I activated Skippy’s ability again and suddenly we shot out of the side of a large building inside the Singing City, soaring through the air on our large whale.

  “I think we just went to Nwetrou’s abyss!” Panda exclaimed in horror.

  “I want to get off this ride!” Chris exclaimed, voice full of panic.

  “Do it again!” Bee squealed excitedly as the ground rushed up towards us once more.

  “I’m gonna aim us at one of those titans roaming near the city center!” I told the others. “If I can create a pond directly on their bodies, that should probably kill them easily.”

  Chris shouted something, but I didn’t hear what it was as I activated Skippy again and we went back into the black water.