Chapter 23
After another full day and night of travel, we made it to a small wooden door. Charlie turned around and said, “Remember. He’s mad.”
“Why were you so far from your damn home?” Fred muttered under his breath, breathing hard. His dwarfish stride had made the journey twice as taxing for him.
Charlie opened the door, and we were greeted by a tall, muscular, and definitely corporeal man wearing a casual early twentieth century suit that made him look like a penguin. He stood tall, his back straight. I’d sort of expected Charlie’s dad . . . to be a ghost too, but he had no ghostly glow and his very real corded muscles spun their way down his neck and across his arms. More startling was his apparent age. His face looked weathered, more like a great grandfather than a father. I inspected him.
Charles
Level 45, Human, Keeper
HP 200,000/200,000
My jaw dropped as I read the health amount. This guy was clearly some kind of boss. I took in the room behind him, making sure I had a good idea of the layout and preparing for what was going to be hopefully a fast win thanks to Fred’s Arbitrary Blast. All we needed was likely two blasts at most.
“There you are, boy,” Charles snapped.
As he motioned us all in, I took in our surroundings. We were in what looked like the great entrance hall of a nice mansion. There was an arcing set of red carpeted stairs, a chessboard-like tiled floor, a coat rack, potted plants, and warmth coming from a wood fire in an adjacent room. It was the type of place you were scared to touch anything in fear of an expensive vase toppling over and shattering. There were tall windows with sunlight shining through, which was completely inexplicable being so far underground.
“Where were you?” the man asked Charlie, grabbing him by his ghost ear and somehow able to find purchase. He lifted him up off the ground.
“I was looking for help!” Charlie cried.
“Hey there,” Clara said with wrath on her tongue. “Why don’t we let the boy go?”
She said it like a momma bear protecting her young. I didn't understand the reaction coming from her.
“Do you think . . . this Charles has a vagina too?” Mie whispered in my ear.
“You dare tell me what to do in my own house?!” Charles said to Clara.
I rolled my eyes, took out a spear, and flung it toward the guy’s thigh. It whipped forward and pinned into his muscular leg, making him drop the little Charlie. “Let’s go ahead and just get this started,” I said.
“What the hell, Sam?!” Mie said, startled.
“Blast! GO!” I yelled at Fred.
I watched in awe as Charles completely transformed. His outerwear puffed away and was replaced by thick red plated armor. His shoulder guards were massive, and he reminded me of a ridiculously kitted warrior tank that you would find in a MMORPG. He carried a two-handed longsword, which was glowing slightly orange as well, in a single hand. In his off hand he carried a large and nicely curved circular shield. His face contorted, and his neck muscles bulged, growing larger.
“I PRAY YOU CAME PREPARED! FOR MY FATHER’S SAKE!” Charles shouted.
Not sure what that meant, I saw Charlie run up the staircase as a green flash flew above us toward the high ceiling. I grinned, waiting for my plan to come to fruition. Easy boss kills. This was what my plan was all about. Easy. Boss. Kills. Big Charles walked toward me and swung his massive blade at my side. I didn’t have time to do anything but block with both my axes. The blade scraped down my axe handles, cleaved half my hands off, and kept going till it was a quarter buried into my chest. Through the absurd pain, I noticed the lack of an accompanying rolling sound from Fred’s Blast.
“Uhh . . . something’s wrong,” Fred said.
I coughed blood, not comprehending. Charles jerked his blade out and swung again, fully cutting me in two, then bashed me aside with his shield. I Knocked, and like always, despite the incredible pain, was able to remain conscious. I reformed on all fours. Charles was moving to Fred now. When Fred turned invisible, he turned to Clara. She shot a poison arrow and landed a hit which got a stack of poison going, then she blinked away, taking the boss further down the large entrance hall.
Sam: What do you mean something’s wrong?!
Fred: I don’t know! It’s like he dispelled my cast!
Dread and blood rose up in my throat. I was nauseous. Had I just led us to our deaths because I was dumb enough to think a boss might not have a . . . dispel? No . . .
Sam: Try again as soon as you can! If his dispel cooldown ability is longer than yours, we still have a chance.
I popped up onto my feet, not even realizing Mie had been rezzing me. She Flash Healed me, clearing away the pain and topping off my health. Eventually the boss caught Clara and cleaved her in half as well, Knocking her. I threw a spear, which took aggro, and yelled at Mie to rez Clara. The boss ran after me, and since the space was so small, I had a hard time keeping my distance. But I managed a sly vault, giving myself enough time to watch another green flash fly out. Horror rose within me as this time I watched it . . . sizzle away into nothing. “No. No. No. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!” I was still screaming when Charle’s sword cut me in half again, spraying blood and gore everywhere.
Again, I Knocked. Clara popped back up and was back at it, her stacks adding up, but not doing really anything against the boss’s massive health pool. Mie ran over and started rezzing me.
“I decided!” Clara called between arrow shots. “That Sam’s!” She performed a diving shot. “Plan!” She blinked and shot another arrow. “BLOWS HARD!” The boss reached her, and with a quick side swing, chopped her head off, Knocking her.
I popped up, and Mie’s rezzing gave me an idea, a dreadful idea, but one that kept a small flickering candle of hope alive. A green flash went out, and once again it sizzled away.
“Sam’s plans always suck,” Mie said, running back over to her as I took aggro once again. This time, I threw a spear, did a sweep, and knocked him down. My damage was pathetic, and worse, I looked at his health bar and saw his health ticking back up. My stomach dropped away. He had some small amount of health regeneration . . . Fuck. I backed up, threw a couple more spears, and vaulted when he got close. Clara was back up and pelting him with arrows, but soon enough my head was rolling as I Knocked yet again.
We kept at it, and every once in a while, Fred threw out an Arbitrary Blast, trying to catch the boss off guard, but I was starting to think it was some sort of passive dispel, not an active ability. Clara and I kept trading places in order to take aggro. I messaged Mie to never engage directly. I didn’t want her ever getting close to the boss and proccing New Threat on accident.
Stolen story; please report.
I was on all fours again. Clara was kiting. Fred was hiding. Mie was rezzing. Then it was my turn. I kited with spears. Clara was on all fours . . . Fred was hiding . . . Mie was rezzing . . . and repeat. Each time the boss’s health barely moved down only to go up slightly, and each time I was cut in half . . . I asked myself if this was actually possible. After the first ten minutes of repeating the process, I confirmed Charle’s health was creeping down, but it was painfully slow . . . Very, very. . . slow.
We kept at it . . . for hours. For FIVE. FUCKING. HOURS. My head and body splitting apart time after time. Arms and legs flying. Cringing each and every time the same thing happened to Clara. Over, and over, and over. It was almost . . . boring, and I think it would have been if not for the fact that I WAS GETTING CUT IN HALF ON REPEAT.
After those five hours, we brought the boss’s health down to thirty percent, and a new fight mechanic started. It was straightforward to parse. Basically, it was another enragement buff which doubled his speed. However, this was a problem, as it gave us way less time to rez.
Before this moment, we had had plenty of time to hypothesize what else we could do when a new mechanic started, and so when Clara and I both Knocked, Fred jumped in . . . swinging his dagger and hitting the boss for pathetic, single-digit damage. But with him in the rotation, Mie was able to keep at least one person up at all times. Unfortunately, because Fred did so little damage, the boss had additional time to regenerate health . . . and because of that . . . the fight continued for TEN . . . MORE . . . hours.
Finally and miraculously, the last health point fell away. Charles bore arrows in every crease of his armor. Blood leaked in streams down his legs and onto the floor. He bellowed out in frustration, “OUR WILL INSTILLED!” and fell over, dead.
We had just spent fifteen hours getting torn apart over and over. Every time I blinked, I felt the sword slicing through my neck again—a sensation with which I was now intimately familiar. If Mie’s rezzing had been any slower, or if we had one less party member, or if the boss had any sort of healing ability, we would have wiped.
“Sam,” Clara said as she lay on her back, breathing heavily. “Remember that time, when you said it would be easy to kill bosses with Fred’s ability?”
“I think he said ‘totally easy,’ ” Mie said curtly.
I was lying flat on my back as well, absolute exhaustion wreaking havoc within my very core. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t even care about the glowing gold corpse or the log entries. I passed out right there. Actually, we all passed out to let our minds heal from the terrible torture our bodies had just endured.
I woke up some hours later, blood caked all over. I actually had to rip my cloak off the tile, as it had cemented to the floor with blood. I looked around at the utter destruction. Tiles were cracked, every vase and pot was overturned and trampled into dust. I shuddered, but was able to get up despite the soreness and make my way over to the boss’s corpse. I looked at the others as I went. They were all completely still, breathing heavy and very much asleep. I looted the corpse.
You received {Gold Coin} x35
Roll for {Shield of the Keeper}
Roll for {Two Handed Sword of the Keeper}
Roll for {Boots of the Keeper}
Roll for {Leg Guards of the Keeper}
Roll for {Leggings of the Keeper}
Roll for {Chest Plate of the Keeper}
Roll for {Pauldrons of the Keeper}
Roll for {Gauntlets of the Keeper}
Roll for {Helm of the Keeper}
I watched the logs and decided to go ahead and put in my roll for all the items. I watched my rolls come through ridiculously low, but the others automatically passed due to inactivity. Mie was going to be so pissed. Every time an item hit my inventory, I cringed slightly. This felt low. But I didn’t care. Mie always got all the good loot.
Clara bolted up and yelled at the top of her lungs, “WHERE AM I?”
I flinched and gave her a questioning glance. Why so loud? I looked at each item in turn, realizing there was a set bonus on each. They were all in the plus fifty to eighty range on both constitution and strength, and the set bonus was a passive fifty percent speed boost and an additional one hundred constitution. That was almost too much to take in. I threw on the chest plate, but then realized nothing happened. Huh? I read the error, hopes and dreams deflating.
Unable to equip gear of type {Mystic Plate}. You lack the required gear type.
Damn. I took a closer look at the two-handed sword and shield too, both of which I couldn’t use.
{Iron Shield of the Keeper}
Rank: Legendary
Grade: Masterwork
Slot: Off Hand
[20-50%] Magic Resist
+224 Armor
+50 Strength
+30 Endurance
{Greatsword of the Keeper}
Rank: Legendary
Grade: Masterwork
Slot: Two Handed
+74 Constitution
+21 Agility
+10 Endurance
Passive Ability: This sword can be wielded with one hand.
It was very unfortunate that I couldn’t use either of them. Then I realized something else. None of us could use any of this new gear. We had just gone through torture for almost zero loot gain. I guess Mie can wield shields after picking up her second Battle Art. But she wasn’t exactly tanking much. I looked at the greatsword, drooling over the one-handed capability. At that moment I was officially desperate to unlock a two-handed sword Battle Art. But I pushed those thoughts down and scrolled back up through the logs I missed right after the boss fight with Charles.
You received 110,000 XP!
You unlocked the ability {Dwarven Ear}
You gained multiple levels!
You reached level 33!
I took a look at that Dwarven Ear ability.
{Dwarven Ear}, Passive
Description: Your base hearing is improved by 200%.
Really? Better hearing? Not going to lie, I was pretty underwhelmed. My improved elfish eyesight had been useful and all . . . but to hear good? Really? Is the game trolling me right now?
“SAM, WHAT ARE ALL THESE ABANDONED ROLLS?” Clara yelled.
I flinched again. “Gah! What the hell!? Why are you yell—Oh.” It registered. My new passive ability was in full effect. After a little experimentation, I found I could mentally throttle that back to a more normal level.
“What’s up?” Clara said, noticing my odd reaction.
“Nothing. New increased hearing passive. Still figuring it out,” I said, trying to ignore her initial question.
She was giving me a blank stare though, clearly still waiting for an answer.
“Uhh . . . you were sleeping . . . and you missed your chance to roll . . . for the loot.”
Mie bolted upright at that moment, and she did actually yell. “LOOT!”
“Sam looted without us,” Clara said.
There was a long awkward pause.
“Wow,” Mie finally said. “Imagine being so pathetic you don’t even wait to loot a dungeon boss after,” she gestured around the room, “ALL OF US—” She paused a moment for effect. “—GOT SLICED TO PIECES FOR HOURS.”
“Okay. Okay. Sheesh. I didn’t know it would automatically pass on your rolls. I can’t even use any of it.” I opened a trade window with Mie, dropped in the shield, and asked her, “Hey, Mie, can you use something called mystic plate?”
“Yup. Unlocked for me back at level ten. Why?”
I sighed . . . and dumped the rest of the gear, including the sword, into a trade window. I didn’t want to be seen as a hoarder, and she would give it back if I got a two-handed sword Battle Art . . . I hoped.
“This is yours then.” I confirmed the trade.
She instantly accepted, not hesitating one second. I would be lying if I said that hadn’t stung a minute. Worse. She threw all of the new gear on at once, and the effect was entirely epic. The red armor appeared, perfectly fitting her tall figure and essentially doubling her horizontal presence. It didn’t mean much though; we didn’t have her tanking or doing any sort of damage . . . so the strength boost on her was meaningless.
Trying not to be bitter, I kept reading through my logs and noticed something else.
You have completed Charlie’s Crypt Part 1/2. Do you wish to continue? {Continue}, {Leave}
I asked Greg in party chat what a Battle Hall even looked like. He said he thought it would appear suddenly as an added door or portal, usually right off of a boss room. But having never experienced one he admitted he wasn’t exactly sure.
Mie: Imagine being Greg.
Theodor: Okay. Now what?
Mie: Right, you’re still a level one guide. Let me rephrase. Imagine being Greg OR Theodor.
Greg: Welcome to the club, Theo. Better to just . . . accept it.
I made sure that no additional rooms had magically appeared. While I walked around the mansion to look for a Battle Hall entrance, I noticed little Charlie waiting patiently at the top of the long staircase. He gave me a little wave and a smile. Okay, that was pretty cute. Little guy was growing on me, and his dad really had been a total butthole. Poor little dude.
It was maybe one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life but after a considerable debate between the three of us, I hit ‘Continue.’ We needed that Battle Hall. I was convinced. But I almost couldn’t bear the thought of what we were guaranteed to face in the second part: another fucking boss.
Surely the next boss fight . . . wouldn’t have the same passive dispel . . . Right?
“Get Fred up,” I said. “Time to go.”
