Missed calls: Chris (10), Dennis (2), Jordan (1), Missy (26), Violet (3)

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  I sighed and shut the screen of my phone off, staring at the ceiling. I needed to call them, all of them. They’d be done class now, I’d skipped out since I woke up sick to my stomach. Not actually sick Amy told me, but she didn’t try and push me to go. She wouldn’t be back for another hour at least, on call with the PRT, so I had the apartment to myself.

  Everyone had called. They must have been more pissed than I ever thought, Missy most of all considering her PHO post and...yeah. Where did I even start? Definitely not reading the million furious texts or listening to the scathing messages. I’d just...call, talk to them, work things out that way. They could tear a strip off me and be done with it, and I’d only have to worry about it once.

  Dennis was first. He’d barely called, and already had his chance, so I figured he’d have the least to chew me out about. I licked my lips as my thumb hovered over the call button. I took a deep breath and pressed it before I could think. It rang once, twice, then the line clicked.

  “Lia?” Dennis asked.

  “Yeah, it’s me,” I said, swallowing. “Uh, sorry, I missed a couple calls from you. I was...sort of busy yesterday.”

  “Did you call everyone else?” he said, making me wince.

  “Not yet, I figured—”

  “Go talk to them, Lia,” he cut me off. “You left without a word and you’ve been avoiding them, how do you think Chris feels, how do you think Missy feels?”

  “Sorry,” I said hoarsely. “I just—”

  The line clicked and I sighed, resting my head in my hands. That went about as well as it could have, considering. So he’d only called me because I hadn’t answered any calls, that made sense. I guess next...Jordan? I barely knew him, and he hadn’t been happy about me blowing off his birthday. It had been for a good cause, but it wasn’t like I’d told him.

  That call was short, as was the next with Violet. Both of them only called because they were worried, since I hadn’t answered anyone else. Violet seemed a little more pissed, demanding we hang out ‘sometime’. I agreed, even if I wasn’t sure why she wanted to. The only thing we’d really done was play games together, and I was no good at that. Still, if she was willing to, I didn’t mind. I hesitated over Chris’ name, but forced myself to touch the button and press the phone to my ear.

  “Hello?” Chris answered after a couple rings.

  “Hey Chris, um, it’s Lia,” I said hesitantly.

  “Lia!” he exclaimed, making me wince. “Christ, are you okay? Everyone tried calling and—”

  “I’m sorry,” I cut him off. “About...about not answering. I couldn’t I just...sorry.”

  “Hey, it’s alright,” he said, lowering his voice. “Are you okay though? They said you left on your own but…” He trailed off and I could hear the suspicion in his tone.

  “I did,” I confirmed. “I...my statement wasn’t that far off. Didn’t mention that I was suspended from patrols, or that I was doing them anyway.”

  “Whoa, what?” Chris said, shocked. “You mean you were going out on your own after they took you off the beat?”

  “Sorry,” I apologized. “I couldn’t just...stop being a hero Chris. And before you say it, no, being a PR doll isn’t the same thing.”

  “I wasn’t going to say that,” he said quickly. “Just...I don’t know Lia, the last person who did that was…”

  “I know,” I sighed. “I never knew Sophia, which kind of sucks. I think she’d get it.”

  “I get it,” he said. “It’s just, I don’t think that’s the right way to do things.”

  “And that’s why I’m not a Ward anymore,” I replied. “You’re my friend Chris, none of you guys are why I decided to quit. I wish I could have talked to you before, but I couldn’t. I’m sorry, I...I get it if you don’t want to hang out or anything, I’m kind of shitty. I can give you back your gift too if you want, it’s just in my bag.”

  “What?” Chris sounded wounded. “Why wouldn’t I want to hang out anymore? I thought you said we’re friends.”

  “I...yeah, but you…why? I’m a pretty shit friend.”

  “God,” he said with a sigh. “No, I still want to hang out Lia, still want to be...friends.” The way he said ‘friends’ was weirdly stilted. “Hey can I tell you something?”

  “Uh, sure?” I frowned, the hell was this about.

  “Okay um, so…” There was a long pause. “Look you can’t tell anyone about this, okay? Not Missy, definitely not Dennis or Jordan.”

  “Alright,” I said hesitantly. Was he doing his own patrols or some—

  “I have a crush on you,” he said in a breath. “Or at least, did. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything I...you have a girlfriend and I’m not a crappy person.”

  “What?”

  “Sorry Lia,” Chris said, sounding embarrassed. “I just...I don’t know, sorry if it makes things weird.” I couldn’t help the frown that touched my face.

  “That’s...really nice Chris,” I said, unsure how exactly to respond. “But, uh, why?”

  “You’re pretty cool, honestly,” he answered. “I mean, going toe to toe with Leviathan on your first day?” Seventh first, but who was counting? “And then like, you went out to save Amy all on your own, like something out of an old comic book. And you just...kept going through it all, always pulling through even though you had less than half the experience most of us did. You’re kind of a badass.”

  “Sure but I’m butt ugly,” I countered. “I make stupid decisions all the time, I’m rude, foul-mouthed...there isn’t much about me to like, Chris.”

  “I don’t know, none of that really matters to me,” Chris replied. “But like I said, not going to do anything about it. I just...I still want to be your friend, Lia.” I bit my lower lip hard enough to make me wince.

  “Okay,” I said quietly. “I’ll probably be a shitty friend, fair warning.”

  “We’ll see,” he said simply. “Really good to hear from you Lia, I’m glad you’re okay.”

  “Good talking to you too Chris,” I said honestly. “See you.”

  We hung up and I sighed, gaze rising to the ceiling. That had gone...shockingly well, better than I ever could have hoped. Despite that, I wasn’t looking forward to my call with Missy. As good and reasonable as Chris had been, and shockingly forgiving, she was going to take it a lot harder. We hadn’t been best friends or anything crazy, but were probably as close as Dennis and Chris just by nature of being the only girls on the team when I’d joined.

  I couldn’t leave her hanging, I knew that much, but staring at her name in my contacts was giving me anxiety like I hadn’t felt in months. My teeth worried at my lower lip, and my thumb stabbed the call button. It was practically an accident, more a twitch than a real directed move, but there was no going back. I took a deep breath and pressed the phone to my ear.

  Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

  “Missy Byron speaking,” she answered on the first ring.

  “Hi Missy,” I spoke hesitantly into the receiver. “It’s uh, it’s—”

  “Lia!” she blurted. “Oh my god are you okay? I sent you so many messages, did you read them? What’s going on? What happened?” I sighed.

  “Sorry,” I apologized. “I...I quit.”

  “No shit,” she said bitterly. “Why?”

  “You were there,” I said, voice barely a whisper. “You…you know why. I couldn’t just stop after the church Missy, I don’t care how much they wanted to keep us safe.”

  “You said you weren’t going to leave, that you were going to stick to the rules,” Vista complained. “Was that just a lie so the PRT didn’t catch on? Were you just bullshitting me because I’m a kid?”

  “No,” I countered. “No, I didn’t tell anyone, not even Amy. Fuck I didn’t want to leave at all, but it was that or get sidelined til I die. I just...I’m sorry Missy, I’m so sorry.”

  “You should be,” she said, her voice shaky. “Fucking alone again.”

  “You’re not alone,” I said. “You have Chris, Dennis, Violet…”

  “It’s not the same,” she said. “You— Whatever, it’s over, you’re not coming back are you?”

  “Sorry,” I apologized again. “I’m going to miss you.”

  “Wish I didn’t feel the same.”

  With a click, she was gone. My phone dropped to the couch and I pressed my palms into my eyes hard enough I saw stars. I’d really fucked things up, I’d really hurt her. I hadn’t expected it, but really it should have been obvious it would mess her up. She probably hated me, no definitely considering how that had ended. I wished I could say I didn’t deserve it.

  My eyes were dry when I pulled my hands away at least. I was getting sick of being such a crybaby, always breaking down or waking up Amy with my shit. If I’d managed to avoid it here, that was some kind of progress at least. I still felt the tightness in my throat, warning me that I was nowhere near okay.

  I’d done it. Even though it meant I only had a couple friends going forward, I’d talked to them and at least knew we were friends, or something. I stared down at the screen of my phone, still on, still showing my short contact list. A name jumped out to me, one I hadn’t thought about in months; as shitty a person as that made me.

  Dean.

  I ran to the bathroom as my stomach rebelled, remembering finding him in his apartment, a twisted version of myself holding him down. Oh god the things she’d told him, the things I knew. I spat and flushed the toilet, once I’d finished wasting my lunch, then rinsed my mouth. I scrubbed the taste of vomit from my mouth, then returned to the couch, stomach still roiling.

  I should call him. It was like everyone on the list, people who cared about me who I’d abandoned. He’d done so much for me after that...before too. I had no idea if he was even dead or alive, Victoria hadn’t said a word about him around me. I shut my eyes and scooped up my phone. Had to stop agonizing over this shit and just get it over with. Determined, I pressed the call button once more.

  “Stansfield Enterprises, this is Dean speaking, how can I help?”

  “Uhhh.” I paused at the practically alien tone. That was Dean but...I’d never heard him talk like that. “Hi it’s, um, Lia.” After a few seconds of silence, I checked the call was still going. It was.

  “Lia,” he said at last, voice tense. “I...wait a minute, can’t talk. I’ll call you back.”

  The line went dead and I sighed. Yeah that was about the best I could have hoped for. He didn’t want to talk to me at all, not even enough to come up with a convincing excuse. Well...fair, I’d burned a lot of bridges and that was a big one. Dean had gone out on every limb for me, probably would have hamstrung his entire career if he hadn’t quit. He was right to be pissed off and not want to talk.

  I rose and headed into the kitchen on shaky legs. It had gotten to me, talking to everyone about...all this. I filled a glass with water from the tap and sipped, grimacing at the ever so slightly salty flavour. Five months and they still hadn’t managed to totally fix the water treatment. It was apparently safe to drink but—

  The ringing of my phone interrupted my thoughts. I frowned and walked back to the living room where I’d left it, grabbing it from the couch cushion. My eyes widened and I hit the answer button as fast as I could, pressing the phone to my ear.

  “Dean?” I said, unable to keep the shock from my voice. “I...I didn’t expect you to call.”

  “What do you mean?” He sounded confused. “I told you I would, I just needed to get into my office.”

  “Office?” I asked quizzically, sitting down.

  “Right, you uh, you wouldn’t have heard.” Dean sighed and I heard the creak of a chair. “I didn’t really tell anyone on the team. I...moved, I live in Boston now, work with my dad.”

  “You retired for real?” I couldn’t believe it.

  “Well…” There was a beat of silence, then he came back, voice low. “Between you and me, I still do a little stuff, but nothing official.”

  “Huh.” The goody-good team captain doing vigilante work. Did that mean great minds thought alike, or fools seldom differed? “Have you been doing okay? How’s Boston compared to home?”

  “Oh I’ve been alright,” he said. “It’s uh, a lot quieter here compared to the bay. The villain scene is a lot tamer, especially after the Nine sort of ripped through here a few months ago. Compared to home, it’s almost boring honestly.”

  “Sounds...nice,” I replied. “Glad you’re doing better. Victoria was cool with it?”

  “We’re not together.” Dean’s voice was husky as he answered.

  “Ah, shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” I said quickly.

  “It’s okay it’s…” He took a deep breath. “Don’t hold it against her okay? It was my fault.”

  “Okay,” I said, nodding even though he couldn’t see it. “Sorry to hear though.”

  “How have you been?” Dean asked, changing the subject. “Was...did the therapy help?”

  “Oh god.” I’d practically forgotten. “I...I’m okay, better than I was at least I’m pretty sure. Thanks for making them do it.”

  “Hey, I’m just glad to hear you’re okay,” he said, a smile in his voice. “How’s Amy doing?”

  “Oh, pretty good,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. “We’re...together now.”

  “What did she d—”

  “Finish that sentence and I’m hanging up,” I snapped. “She didn’t do anything Dean, except be the only good thing in my life for the last few months.” My teeth creaked as I grit them. Asshole.

  “Sorry,” Dean said a moment later. “I just...you know why I worry.” I sighed and unclenched my jaw.

  “I know,” I said, voice thick with tension. “But that’s not how it is. We...we got together a little before Behemoth.”

  “Were you there?” I swallowed at his question.

  “F-four times,” I stuttered. He took a sharp breath. “She knows now and…”

  Hesitantly, I explained that day to him, and the days that I remembered before. I didn’t want to, never intended to, but every time I stopped Dean encouraged me to keep going. It felt like I was almost literally spilling my guts to him, like I had so many months ago after Echidna. I told him how agonizing it was to get together with Amy over and over again, losing her each time, losing her for real once. Then about Scion, of losing everything until just a few days ago, and finally about leaving.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I managed through a choked sob. “I fucked up Dean, I’m not a Ward anymore. I can’t— I can’t do anything.”

  “Jesus,” Dean breathed after a minute. “You’ve uh, you’ve got a lot on your plate Lia. I’m sorry. I wish I knew how I could help, but powers are more Vicky’s area.”

  “S’fine,” I sniffed, shaking my head. I wiped my eyes, cursing under my breath; crying again. “I’m sorry to bother you with it, just…”

  “It sounded like you needed to talk to someone,” he offered when I didn’t continue. “Maybe Amy can help? She doesn’t know as much, but she’ll be able to see what’s going on.” ‘That mess in your brain’.

  “I don’t want to worry her,” I said. “But...maybe. Thanks Dean, thanks for...for not hating me I guess.”

  “Why would I hate you?” Dean asked, sounding confused. “Lia, you were a troublemaker, not a bad person; and you had pretty good reasons for what you did, even if they weren’t always the best thought out. Hell, it was only kind of you, wasn’t it?” I winced as he continued. “I’m not holding a grudge, don’t worry.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “I...I don’t deserve that, but thanks.”

  “You’re welcome,” he said. “And Lia? It’s good to hear from you. Maybe, if I’m ever in town, we can hang out?”

  “Sure,” I agreed. “That sounds...nice.”

  “Cool,” he replied. “Well, better get back to work before Dad catches me slacking off. See you Lia.”

  “See ya.”

  I pocketed my phone and sighed, a small smile touching my lips despite myself. Well, that hadn’t gone badly at all. I even felt a little better, weirdly enough. Sure I was down a few friends but...maybe it wouldn’t even be forever. If Dean could forgive me, after everything I’d done to him, maybe one day Vista would too.

  “I’m home,” Amy called as she came in.

  “Welcome back,” I greeted her, giving her a kiss on the cheek when she joined me on the couch. “Have a good day?” Without another word, she grabbed my hand, staring at it intently. After a moment, she sighed.

  “Was fine,” she said tensely. “Sorry, last guy I fixed had a TBI that I couldn’t deal with. Just a concussion, nothing major, but…”

  “You wanted to check on my fucked up head,” I finished for her, getting a nod. Yeah…

  “What’s going on?” she asked. “That wasn’t there after Behemoth. I know we talked about Scion healing you, but now it’s back. Why?”

  “I wish I knew,” I answered, frowning. “I don’t...I think it came back after the person I rescued from the Nazis triggered. I know I died there, just once, and came back.”

  “From a trigger event?” Amy wore a frown of her own. “That’s weird. I… Lia, I want to know what’s going on. I don’t know if it’s dangerous to your physical or mental health, but it’s not natural. Let me—”

  “Not tonight,” I cut her off, pulling my hand away. I looked at the floor, shaking my head. “N— Just, please Amy.” There was a brief pause, then she sighed and wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

  “Okay,” she said, pressing her lips to my head. “Did you call everyone?”

  I sighed and leaned against her, happy to cover a topic that wouldn’t force me to remember my real first night.