Still sprawled on the driveway with my arms wrapped around Bella, I buried my head into her thick, warm, black fur as tears spilled from my eyes. It was a moment that I never imagined I’d see again.

  I could feel her heavy, comforting weight on top of me. Her coat was soft and shiny. Beneath her, my ribs felt sharp, and my hair was lank and brittle.

  A cold shard of ice stabbed my heart at the realisation that Lars had obviously been looking after her far better than he had looked after me.

  I could have easily stayed there all day. Laying there on the ground, holding on to my dog. But eventually I scrambled back to my feet. Grabbing hold of the hand that Lela held out to me, and with the two of us still giggling like schoolgirls, she pulled me up.

  The bubbling laughter slowly faded. With one hand I held on to Lela’s tightly while Bella nuzzled the other enthusiastically with her cold, wet nose.

  My eyes wandered towards the front door.

  The red painted door hung wide open, creaking slightly as it swung back and forth on its hinges. A shudder rippled over me, goosebumps rising as a tight knot formed in my stomach. A place that should have felt familiar and welcoming loomed darkly before me, oppressively pushing back against me. It felt like the entrance to a tomb, and beyond were the ruins of a life that I had thought lost forever.

  “Are you sure that you’re ready for this?” Lela squeezed my hand as she spoke, her voice a low murmur in the heavy silence.

  I nodded my head slowly; my throat was too tight for words. Drawing in a deep breath, I took a step forward, stepping through the door and back into my house.

  A thick, musty scent immediately assailed my senses. The air pressed down on me heavily on my shoulders, squeezing my skull. Silence hung thick and oppressive, muffling the sounds of my footsteps and the large dog that huffed and puffed at my side.

  Unopened letters lay crumpled and scattered around my feet. Junk mail mainly, invitations to take part in some lottery or to sign up for a new credit card. Dust had settled on top of the skirting boards and picture frames, coating them in a fine, grey powder. My gaze fixed on those picture frames; a good number of them were missing. My artwork was still there along with photos of Mum, of Lars and myself. But there were none of Dad. Every picture he had been in had been taken. All that remained were squares of unfaded spearmint green paint, ghostly outlines of a happiness we had once known.

  Absently, my finger lightly traced the outline of where a photo of myself and Dad had once hung.

  I felt Lela move beside me, her gentle touch landing on my shoulder. Her eyes scanned the space where the photos had once been.

  “I guess he just couldn’t handle the reminders after what happened to your parents.” She spoke in a soft, sympathetic voice, glancing at me sideways.

  I nodded slowly. “What happened to them? Who could have wanted to hurt them?” I whispered the words, more to myself than to anyone in particular.

  Lela’s hand stroked my shoulder gently. “I don’t know, babe. I really don’t know. Maybe when you’re up to it, we could get in touch with the police, see if they can give you any information?”

  “Perhaps…” A long, drawn-out sigh escaped my mouth. A numbness settled over me. The excitement of returning home and seeing Bella gave way to a numb, empty nothingness.

  My eyes were unconsciously drawn to the stairs. The white bannisters were grey with dust, and dirty footprints covered the once well-polished wooden steps. With Bella bounding up in front of me and with Lela following closely behind, I slowly began to climb. The floorboards creaked as I made my way up, one slow, hesitant step at a time.

  What had happened to my once pristine home? Mum had always kept it so clean and spotless. It was now grubby and covered in dirt and grime.

  My legs seemed to move on their own, carrying me towards my bedroom. It had always been my safe place. It was my sanctuary, where I could retreat to when the world got too much. I could lose hours in there, sinking into a good book or sketching with a pencil or paintbrush in my hand.

  My gut churned and twisted inside of me the instant that my eyes swept over my room. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Lela flinch backwards. It was my bedroom, but at the same time, it wasn’t. My drawings and paintings had been taken down, leaving the pastel pink walls bare. My bed stood where it always had done, but there was no mattress; just rough wooden slats remained. My pillows and duvet were gone; the pink curtains had been torn from the window.

  Lars had stripped the room bare. He had taken everything to the cabin. Every single item was a piece that he’d used to construct his perfect little lie.

  My drawers gaped open. My underwear was spilling over the edges and heaped in degrading piles at the foot of the dresser. My sketchbooks had been yanked from their shelves and now littered the floor. The pages were crudely torn out, crumpled and strewn across the muddy footprint stained carpet. The drawer holding my most private items and personal keepsakes had been ripped right out of the unit and now sat upturned, its contents scattered.

  Prickles itched on my back, my eye twitched as I felt a boiling heat bubble up inside of me. How dare he go through my things like this? These were my personal items, my most private things. Given everything he had done to me and how horribly he violated me, I wouldn’t have thought that his looking through a few bras or worthless trinkets would bother me. But it did bother me. My jaw clenched tightly and my nails bit into my palms. Did I have a single thing left that was untainted by his rancid touch? Even Lela. He had even got to my best friend and convinced her with his filthy little lies.

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  I dashed over to the desecrated dresser and began snatching up the various items of underwear from the floor, folding them and stuffing them back into the drawer where they belonged.

  I spun around to grab the ruined chaos of my sketchbooks, and that was when I saw Lela. She was quietly kneeling beside me, patiently gathering them all up. Smoothing out the torn pages, before turning and holding them out to me with a smile.

  I leapt to my feet.

  “Look at what he’s done! He’s been in here! He’s been through all my things!” My body shook as I shrieked the words.

  “It’s ok, Heidi. We can get this all cleaned up. It won’t take long.”

  “But what about the other things? My mattress, duvet, curtains…? What am I supposed to do about those?” I was shouting now, my voice was strained and frantic. “Lars took them to the cabin! How am I supposed to get those back?”

  “I’ll drive up and get them for you. It’s not any trouble.”

  “No!” I shouted forcefully. “You can’t go there!”

  “It’s ok Heidi, I understand.” Lela’s voice was soothing and patient.

  Her calmness was a constant, irritating buzz that gnawed at the back of my head. She didn’t understand! How could she? The last year had been so perfect for her, how could she even begin to understand what had really happened at that cabin, the things I had been forced to endure up there?

  There was a voice in my mind telling me I would, at some point soon, have to go back to that cabin and deal with the mess that I had left there. There was another voice that screamed to just leave it. It was an old cabin in the middle of nowhere; who would ever find those bodies, anyway?

  “Heidi, why don’t we just go downstairs, and I’ll make you a cup of tea? We can come back and sort this lot out later, after you’ve had a bit of time to calm down.” I felt Lela gently tug on my arm.

  I was still trembling, but I tried to push the thoughts of my brother out of my mind. I forced down those images of him rummaging through my things, touching them with his grubby hands. I pushed away too that feeling of irritation I felt towards Lela. She was only trying to help, this wasn’t her fault.

  Exhaling a deep breath, I let my best friend lead me out of my bedroom and downstairs to the kitchen.

  The sink was a mound of filthy plates. Empty pizza boxes and takeaway containers littered the grimy work surfaces. My nose twitched at the smell of old grease and fat hanging in the air, its oily residue coating my tongue.

  Lela did her best to hide the look of disgust that crossed her face as we set foot into the room. I watched her fill the kettle before she picked out a couple of reasonably clean cups from the sink and started washing them.

  Turning, my body instantly froze as a cold, icy chill grabbed my heart, constricting it tightly. My eyes snagged on the sight of a khaki duffle bag sitting amidst the papers and magazines that littered the kitchen table.

  My hands began shaking violently as I took hold of the bag’s cold, black metal zip. With my breath hitching in my throat, I tentatively drew it aside.

  The sweet, sickly stench of sweat and unwashed clothes hit me immediately. Snapping my head to the side, forcing my eyes to screw shut and causing the scorching taste of bile to rise in my throat.

  Trembling, I forced myself to draw it open, and slowly and cautiously I peeked inside. ~The bag was mainly full of bundled up jumpers and t-shirts, but on top of them sat a red plastic bowl, and glinting in the morning light was a long, leather switch. My knees instantly felt weak, my body reeled and swayed as the memories of the basement slammed back into my mind like a sledgehammer.

  “Hey, are you ok?” I felt Lela step up behind me, her hand landing on the small of my back.

  I whirled around to face her. It was in that split second that my hand plunged into Lars’ bag, snatching up a small glass bottle of clear liquid. Hastily, I stuffed it into my pocket. I still like to tell myself that I don’t know why I took that bottle. I try to convince myself that I didn’t even know what was in it. But if I’m going to be totally honest with you, I think I knew. I think I knew exactly what I was doing.

  I looked into Lela’s face, stared into those wide, dark eyes. Eyes that were full of so much love and concern for me. I could have stood there for an age, lost in those dark, bottomless pools.

  “No,” I said flatly. “No, I’m really not OK.”

  Lela stepped forward, close enough that I could feel the warmth of her body. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a tight embrace. I closed my eyes and stood there, letting her hang on to me. She was my tether against the tides that threatened to sweep me away.

  I could feel the fabric of the flannel shirt that she wore under my chin, her soft, fragrant hair brushing against my cheek. I could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed.

  “It’s OK, babe. You’re safe now; you don’t need to worry about him anymore.” Her voice was crisp and clear as she spoke.

  I hesitated for just a moment, my eyes narrowing ever so slightly as a thought formed in my mind. A dark thought.

  “But I’m not safe though, am I?”

  The corner of my mouth twitched ever so slightly as something cold inside myself, something that had been sleeping, stirred.

  “Of course you are. Nobody is going to hurt you again.”

  I pushed myself away from her just enough to be able to look at her directly in the eyes. I went on in a shaky voice. “But what if he comes back? What if he comes back here and finds me again?”

  “I thought you said that he had gone away. I thought you said that he wouldn’t come back?” Lines of worry creased at the corners of Lela’s mouth. Deep inside myself, something chuckled. It was a cold, cruel chuckle. “Do you really think that he might?”

  Lars was dead. He could never come back, but Lela didn’t know that. With my head twitching from side to side, I carried on weaving my little web of lies. They were lies that at the time seemed quite harmless.

  “But he might do, he might come back here. He knows where I am. What if he does, Lela? What if he comes back and locks me up again? What if he does those horrible things to me again? I don’t think I could take it again. I don’t think I could survive it a second time.” I forced my voice to become high and frantic as I spoke, unknowingly planting the seeds for what would eventually germinate and blossom into the ultimate betrayal.

  A small, sympathetic smile crossed Lela’s striking red lips. “You should speak to the police, Heidi. They will make sure you’re safe. They’ll make sure that he can’t come anywhere near you.”

  “No!” I replied sharply. “I don’t want the police involved. They’ll find out about all the things that he did to me, how he violated and humiliated me. I don’t want anyone to know those things.” Tears began to run down my cheeks again. Did I believe the things that I was saying? I had convinced Lela, had I even managed to convince myself? Or was it all just a charade?

  The answer to that doesn’t matter now.

  “Hey, come on, babe!” Lela said, while gently wiping a tear from my eye with her thumb. Her touch felt warm and soft. “You don’t have to stay here. Why don’t you come home with me? I’m in that big house all by myself, you’re welcome to stay for as long as you need to. It’d be nice to have a bit of company. Bella’s more than welcome too, of course.” Lela added the last sentence with a smile, glancing down at the dog who sat patiently at my feet, her tail wagging slowly from side to side.

  I smiled, and deep inside me, that cold something smiled too.