“Lela, stop the car now!” My voice was a strained croak; my throat felt parched and raw.

  A tangled ache twisted and turned, throbbing dully inside of me as the cold, sharp teeth of guilt gnawed at my bones. I had carried that secret, kept it locked away for too long. It was the source of all my suffering, an unbearable weight that threatened to crush me. I couldn’t leave it any longer. I had to confess before it consumed me whole.

  The squealing of the brakes tore at my eardrums. The seat belt snagged, catching me as I was jolted forward. A muffled groan rose from the back seat as the car came to a shuddering halt. My best friend’s big, brown eyes immediately locked onto mine, creased with a worry and a concern that I didn’t deserve.

  “What is it, babe? What’s wrong?”

  I gripped the cold, hard leather handles of the holdall tightly. The holdall that Lela had packed for me. My hands strained, my knuckles turning white, the veins standing out like the blue lines on the Metro map. The air closed in around me, threatening to squeeze the life from my lungs. The white mist of my breath hung in the frigid air as an icy chill settled on the car. My frantic heartbeat was a constant, deafening peal of thunder that echoed in my ears and hammered against my ribs.

  “Lela, there’s something I need to tell you.” I could feel my voice quivering, shaking as I spoke.

  “What is it, Heidi? What’s the matter?” Lela’s eyebrow arched. Bathed in the soft, light of the morning, her beauty, that usual warm glow which always surrounded her, blazed into something more vibrant than I’d ever known. A stark contrast to my own unbearable darkness. The soft curve of her lips, the delicate hairs of her eyelashes, her perfect features, every fine detail of her face seemed to glow.

  A shudder rippled through my chest, my icy breath hitched in my lungs. The soft rustle of fur against fabric behind me as Bella shifted. My gaze drifted to Lela’s house. It was no more than twenty meters away, just a short walk. I didn’t have to do this. I could just get out of the car and carry on as I had always done since that fateful September night.

  The thought crossed my mind. I could feel temptation tugging at me.

  My hand moved towards the handle.

  No. My jaw clenched as I forced those treacherous thoughts away. Could I really carry on running from my actions? What go had hiding ever done me? This dirty little secret, the sordid shame of that I had done had already cost me so much. It was time for it all to end. One way or another, it had to end then. A jarring shudder crashed over my body as the true weight settled. It hadn’t just been Lela that I’d been deceiving; I had been deluding myself too. I had convinced myself that it was all Asmund’s fault. I had told myself that he was the one who had made the first advances. I had done nothing wrong. I had clung onto that lie as if it were a life buoy in an ocean of betrayal.

  The little plastic clock on the dashboard ticked. A crisp, steady staccato keeping time with my heart. Each one slicing through the silence. A time bomb, its explosion imminent.

  I couldn’t bring myself to meet her gaze. Instead, my eyes locked onto her bright red lipstick.

  “I... I...” my voice stammered. A deep breath exhaled from my chest before I continued. “I told you that Lars blackmailed me. But I didn’t tell you why.”

  “It’s ok Heidi, you really don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.” Lela smiled at me. It was a smile that carried only warmth and love. It was a smile that would usually have comforted me. But I could find no comfort for me, only the cold, biting twist that turned in my stomach.

  “Yes, Lela. Yes, I do have to tell you.” I flinched backwards sharply as she leant forward, trying to place a hand on my knee. The scent of her perfume filled the air. That sweet, warm, intoxicating scent surrounded me.

  I didn’t deserve her sympathy.

  A cold wave flooded over me. My chest tightened as I forced out my confession. “Lars found some photos. He said that unless I did what he wanted, he would show them to you.” My voice cracked. My vision blurred as fresh tears ran down my cheeks. “Oh, Lela, I’ve done something so terrible...”

  “What is it, babe? What photos? What have you done?” Her bright red lips tightened. The affection in her voice slipped. The word babe taking on a hard, sharp edge.

  My breath shuddered again. My lungs stung, burning and raw.

  “They were photos of Asmund. Asmund and...” The words caught in my throat. My hands fidgeted at my side, my nails digging into my palms. It was too late now, there was no going back. So, with a ragged intake, I pushed onwards, the admission tumbling out of my mouth in a jumbled rush. “I slept with him. It was a stupid one-night stand. I’m so sorry, Lela.”

  Lela’s eyes blinked, her shoulders drooped heavily.

  “That’s what this is all about? A night with Asmund?” She said, the usual melodic lilt faded. Her voice, now sharp and cold, cut through the air.

  I nodded, unable to speak. Tears, hot and wet, streaked down my cheeks. Any words that I had choked in my throat. Lela fixed a steely gaze on mine. The silence in the car was deafening. It pressed down on me, broken only by the soft ticking of the dashboard clock. Each one a second closer to the time bomb’s final detonation.

  She watched me. A deer caught in the headlights. Or perhaps a viper deciding whether to strike.

  The clock ticked, every second stretching out endlessly before the next.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

  Eventually she spoke, “I know all about what happened between the two of you. He came to me the next morning and told me everything.”

  My heart slammed into my ribcage. The world around me suddenly swam before my eyes. A blur of colour which caused the bile to rise in my throat.

  She knew?

  I force my eyes to focus on her but Lela’s stare never wavered. The atmosphere closed in around me, crushing the life from my body.

  Her accusation hung heavily.

  “You knew?” I gasped breathlessly. “You’ve known all along but you said nothing? Don’t you hate me?”

  “I did, Heidi.” Her jaw tightened, eyes narrowing ever so slightly as she spoke. “I hated and despised you. For days I couldn’t bring myself to even look at you. I thought we were close, you and I.”

  Her words hung in my ears like drips of poison. Time seemed to drag, every second an eternity. Eventually she continued, “But I know how you are with men, Heidi. I’m not judging you for that, I understand that you have your reasons for what you do. Eventually, I told myself that it had only been a one-night stand and it had meant nothing. I had hoped that you would tell me yourself, but you never did. So, I made myself put it behind us.”

  Lela continued, her expression changing, her eyes drawing narrow. “Listen, it wasn’t what you did that hurt me. I don’t care about the sex. What really hurt was seeing that you’ve got it in you to do something like that to me.”

  I forced my eyes up from her lips to meet her stare. The full extent of my own twisted betrayal churned and writhed in my mind. My own thoughts screamed back at me like a cacophony echoing in my skull.

  In doing what I did, it made me feel like we were truly sisters. There was now nothing that we didn’t share.

  Cracked and broken, my words tumbled forward. “I’m so sorry. If I could go back and change things, I really would.”

  Lela sat facing me, her body unflinching in the stifling silence that followed. Her mouth pressed together, her lower lip catching between her front teeth before being released again. A tiny, barely noticeable twitch flickered at the corner of her eye.

  “Listen, there’s something that I need to tell you.” Her voice was a shaky whisper, which hung in the air as she drew in a deep breath. “I haven’t been truthful with you either.”

  “What, Lela? What haven’t you told me?” I shifted in my seat; the worn fabric beneath me suddenly felt rough and coarse. I could hear Bella’s tail tapping out a steady rhythm behind me.

  “Honestly, I assumed that you already knew. I thought you would have figured it out by now. It was Lela’s eyes that now dropped. Her hands that unconsciously fumbled with the car keys. Her voice that now quivered. “Asmund and myself… we’re not together. We never have been.”

  My mind reeled as Lela’s words settled on me. What did she mean, not together? Of course they were together. The two of them had been practically inseparable since they were thirteen.

  “I don’t understand! What do you mean?” My voice was little more than a hoarse whisper.

  Lela shrugged as her eyes returned to mine. Any hint of accusation in her face had vanished. “He’s a great friend. I love him, but only so far as a friend. My relationship with him has always been nothing more than a story that we told people.”

  The frigid air slammed into my lungs, a shock that stole my breath. a story? A lie? Why?

  “Why Lela? You made it all up? All these years? I don’t understand, why?” My mind was a jumble of uncertainty. She was my best friend. I trusted her, but for all those years she had been deceiving me.

  “To protect myself, babe. I had to protect myself, and I had to protect… her.”

  “Protect who?”

  Lela’s words seemed to slide out of my grasp. Nothing was making any sense anymore. Who did she have to protect?

  Lela’s head tilted, her voice growing firmer. “Tell me, what do you see in my house, Heidi? Wouldn’t you expect to see at least some photos of me and Asmund together?”

  My mind snapped back to the corkboard in her bedroom. The timeline of Lela’s life. There were countless photos, but not even one that I could remember showed Asmund.

  There were photos of Lela and myself at the marina. Photos of our days out together when we were children. There were other photos too, pictures of her and Ingrid, arm in arm, laughing.

  That was when the realisation struck me like a sledgehammer. A brutal blow that slammed the breath from my lungs with a hiss.

  Dozens of memories suddenly burst forward, visions that flashed before my eyes. Visions of Lela’s parties, the lights, the music, the sweet smell of perfume. Ingrid passing secretive notes my best friend causing her to giggle and blush, notes I had assumed were from Asmund. Then there were the hushed little whispers in Lela’s ear. The casual touch of hands when they thought no one was looking. All those times when Ingrid would stay late after a party to help Lela tidy up.

  “Ingrid?” Asmund’s sister’s name popped out of my mouth with a startled yelp.

  How had I never seen it before?

  Lela nodded. “I’m a lesbian, Heid! I always have been. Asmund was just my cover story. We needed something to tell people, a way that we could be together without harassment. Asmund was the only person who knew the truth about us.”

  The revelation knocked me backwards like a physical blow. “You could have told me! I thought we shared everything?” I blurted the words out.

  Lela’s lip curled in a half smile at the irony of that last comment.

  “Could I really tell you though, Heidi?” Lela spoke soft and slowly. “It’s 1991, people are only just starting to understand women like me. They’re only just beginning to accept us for what we are. Do you know what would have happened to us if this had come out while we were at school? Do you know what the other children would have done? Would you have stood by me? Or would you have betrayed me to save your own image, just like you betrayed and sacrificed your own twin brother when he needed you? Would you have helped when it was me or Ingrid laying in the dirt, or would you have just added your boot along with the rest of them?”

  Sinking back into my seat, every one of Lela’s words pierced my heart like icy bullets. Little accusations that ripped into my soul. A silent scream tore at my throat. I wanted to shout at her. I wanted to pull her into my embrace and tell her that of course I would have been there for her. But somewhere deep inside me, a dark knot of doubt sat hard and heavy. The world around me faded into a cold, monochromatic blur, Lela’s last words ringing in my ears.

  I should have been reassuring her. She was my best friend. I should have been telling her that I would have always been there for her. That I would always support her in the same selfless way that she had rushed to my side.

  I had called her sister. But what did that really mean to me?

  I had abandoned my own brother when he had needed me. Would I have done the same to the girl I called sister?

  The answer to those questions was just too painful for me to contemplate. So, instead, I did what I always did. I pushed away Lela’s burden and twisted things back to focus on myself.

  “So, the photos. Those that Lars had of me and Asmund would have meant nothing to you?” My voice was small and meek.

  Lela shook her head slowly. “Of course not. The sex never bothered me, and any hurt that I had felt has long since been washed under the bridge.”

  My body shivered as darkness closed in around me again. So, it had all been for nothing? The blackmail, the suffering and the pain. All those things that I had been through had been for nothing. The photos, the very things that Lars had held over me had been meaningless. They were what had fuelled the flames of his cruelty. They had been the weapon with which he would have destroyed my life. But in truth, they had never really held any power.

  They had been meaningless.

  Together, we sat in silence. Eyes staring out of the car window but not really seeing anything. The air in the car felt thick, the weight of the revelations of the last few minutes hanging heavily on us both.