The four of us ran to the gallows, shoving aside the citizens pelting John the Looner with tomatoes, all while popping the heads of any guards that got close.

  A sausage-like balloon rope was tied around John’s neck, but since it was so elastic, and the floor of the gallows was bouncy, he just kept jumping up and down, apparently unharmed by the hanging he was in the middle of.

  Bee released him by raking her nails across the scaffolding, popping most of it in the process and sending him face-first onto the bouncy cobblestones below.

  “You’re back!” John said when he saw me. “Isn’t this place amazing!?”

  “He’s lost it,” Panda said.

  “Pretty sure he had very little left to lose,” I remarked.

  “Where’d you get that talking panda from?” John asked.

  “Ah shit, he can see me,” Panda muttered.

  “How did you end up in the gallows?” Bee asked while Camilla went ham on the guards and citizens with the cactus Bee had given her. In this world, that plant was like a weapon of mass destruction.

  “It was just a misunderstanding,” John said.

  “Liar!!” Brock exclaimed.

  The looner looked at my arm. “It talks too? Can I touch it?”

  “No,” I told him, pulling Brock away from him.

  “He’s a freak!! He deserves the squeaking wheel!!”

  “They tried that,” John said with a satisfied smile and a distant look to his eyes. “And the roaring bull, the iron maiden, the lake plunge, the guillotine, and a few others I don’t know the name for. The gallows was the last ditch attempt, it seems. It’s been an exhilarating experience.”

  “Coming out of his mouth, all of those sound like kinky sex devices,” Panda muttered.

  “Where’s your team?” Samantha asked him. “You have a team right?”

  “I don’t know,” John said.

  Camilla scribbled something on her clipboard.

  More guards came into the square where we’d rescued John, but we quickly dealt with them, since they were unfathomably weak to even the slightest poke from something pointy.

  It struck me that I had no idea what everyone’s classes were, so I quickly scanned each of them in turn with my Appraising Eye.

  [Appraisal x ]

  Level 10 — ‘Samantha’ — Player

  “I just want a cold beer, is that too much to ask for!?”

  Class: Involuntary Protagonist

  Main Attribute(s): Strength, Vitality, & Defense

  Every Region has one. A protagonist. They aren’t chosen deliberately. No, it’s more like a lottery that the winners have no say in. Included in their skillset is the uncanny ability to always be in the right place at the right time, and somehow always ending out on top. However, they are also unable to leave the spotlight, and the System mandates an antagonistic treatment of them.

  Stolen story; please report.

  Before the GREAT GAME, Samantha worked at an office doing office-related things. In the small scheme of Castleburg, she was rather influential, having ties to both the Police and the Mayor’s political party. She was actually pretty fulfilled, even though she worked eighty-hour weeks.

  Now she’s on the warpath to conquer the GREAT GAME and defeat the System that cursed her beautiful life. You know, it’s weird, most Players chosen to become Protagonists are quite happy about it, but not Samantha. She’s a real sour one.

  She begrudgingly respects you for helping save all the people in the Serenity Park Mall.

  [Appraisal x ]

  Level 10 — ‘Camilla’ — Player

  “*Writes something down on her clipboard for later*”

  Class: Astute Supporter

  Main Attribute(s): Wisdom & Perception

  Not everyone is destined to be a hero, and some actively evade the calling. Camilla is such a person. She has always strived to stay in the background and support the people above her. You could say it’s what she was made for.

  She has felt complete ever since she started working as Samantha’s assistant, because there has never been a bigger trainwreck than her boss, so her skills have truly been put to the test. And now that the GREAT GAME has made Samantha the Protagonist of the Castleburg Region, Camilla has been working overtime to make her boss shine ever brighter.

  If not for the quiet accomplishments of Camilla and her shrewd organization and coordination, half of Castleburg’s population would have perished before the First GAME Event.

  She believes you are a worthwhile asset to invest in.

  [Appraisal x ]

  Level 3 — ‘John Ritter’ — Player

  “I like the squeaking protests of balloons I rub.”

  Class: Ballooner

  Main Attribute(s): Strength & Vitality

  We’ve already told you about this guy, so there’s not really anything else to reveal.

  Since last you saw him, he’s been searching tirelessly for the Kingdom of Balloonia. After finding his way here during the First GAME Event, he immediately got in trouble with the law, since he kept touching everything and making weird noises and expressions.

  Since his Class makes him completely immune to balloon-based attacks, nothing they did to try and punish him was effective.

  Anyway, don’t let him touch you. He has a powerful ‘Inflate’ Ability that does exactly what you think it does. It’s genuinely way too strong for a starting Skill.

  He really wants to touch your balloon arm.

  It struck me just how big of a difference saving Camilla might have made, though I was pretty sure they were giving her all the credit for my warning about Serenity Park Mall, but that was hardly surprising.

  Amusingly, Samantha had the same description as the first time I’d met her. It definitely made me question how ‘random’ the selection process for Protagonist actually was.

  “We’re not bringing this guy with us, are we?” Samantha asked, eyeing John with disgust.

  I shrugged. “I don’t really care.”

  “I thought you used your compass on him, because you wanted to save him,” Panda remarked.

  “No, no, we just came here because Billee suggested it,” I replied.

  Samantha and Camilla gave me an odd look.

  “They can’t see the panda, can they?” John asked.

  He scooted closer to me but I shoved him back with my left hand. “Don’t even think about touching my arm,” I told him.

  “I love you, Gamby!!” Brock squealed.

  “We’re going to the castle to kill the king, right?” Bee said.

  “Is that how we get out of here?” Camilla asked.

  “I have no idea,” I replied, “but we may as well find out.”

  We left the square and the many headless guards and citizens.

  Unfortunately, John trotted along behind us, talking about how he’d yet to meet the ruler of this land. Apparently he wanted to ‘thank’ him for all the fun he’d had.

  My mind wasn’t doing me any favors in regard to the images that statement conjured.